Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Lost my deen and iman – no right to call myself a muslim anymore

muslimah heaven hell door

Salam,

You may remember me from a previous post about wishing death upon my abusive father because of my hate towards the hijab and my hate towards him.

Looking back that was a few months ago but since then everything has only gotten worse. Before skipping over this please take the time to read my story because I am extremely lost and I don't know what to do.

I am a 21 year old female and live in Canada.

I met a boy I work with and we started dating about 3 months ago. He is a non-Muslim and very Christian and i'm afraid I really have strong feelings for him as I do see my future being with him. The problem is I am losing my deen. I am not gravitating towards any other religion but I have committed many acts of major sins and i'm afraid there's no way back to Islam.

I take my hijab off in secret when I go out mostly, I wear revealing clothes, I drink and attend parties, worst part is that I have also committed zina with this boy on multiple occasions and I cant stop. I feel no guilt. I feel no love towards Islam or Allah.

I lie to get out of the house and see him or my friends since I have extremely and by extremely I mean EXTREMELY crazy religious and strict parents. If my father ever found out about any of this I can guarantee that I would die by his hands. Once my sister sent photos of herself without the hijab to a modelling agency in the past and he almost killed her. She was beaten so bad that she fainted and was almost killed so I can't imagine what would happen to me if I get caught. I am deathly scared of my father and what he would do to me and my mother/family if I ever get caught.

I have thought about what I should do if I want to have a future with this boy who I truly love and I believe the only way is that if I runaway from home. The only problem with that is once again I fear for the lives and safety of my mother and sisters if I do that.

I'm in such a pinch and my life feels like its falling apart. I don't pray and haven't for the past maybe 10 years of my life but at least I have always believed in Allah and was scared for the afterlife. Now I question Islam as I do with Christianity but deep down I know I still have that speck of belief in Allah. Another problem is that I am embarrassed of being Muslim so I tell people I am agnostic which I feel has gotten me even further since even though I wear the hijab
(I lie that I only wear it to work for certain reasons) I say I am agnostic and don't know which god I believe in but I believe in ONE god.

I have very much gone off the path of islam by lying, drinking, having sex, partying etc.

I know everyone may think this is the fault of the boy, but I was like this before - drinking and being a slut basically. The only difference is that I have lost my virginity and my will to even keep a speck of deen or iman.

I feel like the only option for me is to runaway if I want to have a future with the boy I love and leave this deen without thinking about the consequences and without thinking about the safety of my family.

What should I do. Do I even have the right to ask for any advice or help? I do not want to leave Islam but I am also not a practicing Muslim which automatically makes me a kafir. I am too lost and too far into haram. Again, I don't even feel guilty, regretful or even feel the need to repent. I'm not even sure I want to try and come back to being a good or even decent Muslim.

I am a lost soul, what should I do. Nothing makes sense to me anymore.


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11 Responses »

  1. Kafir is one who denies Allah and disbelieve in Allah. If you are not practicing Muslim then you are simply a sinning Muslim believer. It is very hard to become practicing Muslim overnight just like its hard to run marathon without training and practice. Same way you can take minor steps towards Allah and Islam and then slowly slowly you will become more religious and find Allah helping you in all your affairs and life becoming easier for you. Allah says if my slave puts out a hand span I put out arms length and if he comes to me walking I come to him running. Allah shows how ready he is to accept our repentance and sacrifice. Also Allah says "oh my slave never disdain of the mercy of Allah. He forgive all sins"

  2. Did you think about the problems after leaving your parents and family you are going to face. That is just like that you are going to kill them first than they kill you first. Such a discusting step you are ready to take. Simply you are not a good girl and you want to do any thing whatsoever you want and top of that if some obstacles come on your way you just don't care. What I can say you are just going to jump in a hell . God bless you

    • Dear miss asma.
      Please dont be so judgemental. This kind of a criticizm cant help anyone. Our friend here need our help and support to get out of this situation.

  3. My dear young lady,

    My heart goes out for you.& for all those young people who feel so lost.My daughter is of your age, pray that she is not so lost.

    Don't fret, don't lose hope.The fact that you are seaking advice, shows that you will get guidence.InshAllah. I am not going to discuss your abusive parents.May Allah guide them.

    What you feel is a trick of ShataN.Shaitan first whisper us to commit sins.starts with minor sin and move on to major sin. Shaytan job will be done if you call yourself a kafir..Astagfullah !

    Turn to Allah,he is merciful. Shaitan is a sworn enemy of our deen. He has sworn to stray us from the straight path. Allah has sworn to forgive all our sins commited knowingly or unknowingly even the sins amounting to Mountsins. Allla hummagfiLih .
    Allah's knows your pain and sufferings.

    You are MashaAllah 21, an adult. You have to take responsibilities yourself.thats what you are doing MashAllah. First step is seaking advice and help.

    My humble advice would be to remove yourself from this boy,you are commiting sin with. It may not be easy but not impossible! Cut off all ties with him.throw your SIM card if necessary. believe me you will feel much better and be able take control of yourself, and your prescious life.Wrong is Wrong, there's no justice in it but we are human, we make mistakes, commit sins major or minor, that doesn't mean you leave islam, not at all instead come back to islam stronger after repenting.

    Running away is NOt an option specially with this boy, do you think,this boy will make you happy?keep you forever?it won't last it never does! sooner or later love will wear off, then what ?you will be with another and another.
    .
    Your home is your safe heaven, find a way to break your parents abusive, behaviour.Seak help for them to.Perhaps that's the only way they can deal with things. They don't know how to guide you properly, they must be feeling lost too. Be kind to them no matter how they behave.Allah will give you rewards for your good deeds InShAllah.

    Read Quran it's beautiful you will find solace.even one line a day. Establish SalaH. Start with once a day! Go fund raising events, trying helping others you can do so many things to make a difference in your life and other people like yourself. You don't know, there might be people who are in worse situation then yourself. Shaytan loves you when you call yourself agnostic, you would be letting the devil have a laugh.in the day of judgement this shataN will say you did it all by yourself. Allah has given you free will. Your parents have taught you right and wrong. Now as an adult, you can change things for good.for both the world.attached yourself with good friends. InshaAllah everything will be ok.

    Ponder over your life ,the purpose of our existence. Try listening to surah Rehman it's so beautiful, Surah Yasin.Allahs 99 name. Read
    "I Seek refuge in Allah from ShaTaN, the cursed one"
    "SubhaN Alllahe WabehumDehi. SubHaAllahil Azeem "

    May Allah guide us All to the right path.

    I hope my humble attempt to console you helped a bit.
    Hope some scholars can guide you and give better advice.

    If I have written anything wrong please forgive for I'm an ordinary person.

  4. Dear Sister,
    I would like to give you only one advise. Stop drinking. This drinking habit make us lose our senses and thus we commit such things that we regret afterwards. Moreover, try to say prayers (namaz), as namaz work like an antidote against the infections that govern in our soul, and also help in quitting bad habits.
    Just quit drinking and any other activity that make us lose our mind. I beleive you would be able to see things clearly then, and you will become able to make a wise decision.

  5. Bismillah
    For those of you who are willing to throw this beautiful sister in a hell hole, you should be ashamed and afraid for yourself. It is you who is lost in your arrogance and your pride. Unlike this sister who is asking for help. INDED IT IS ALLAH THAT LOVES YOU SOOOOOOO MUCH SO THAT HE DOESN’T WANT YOU TO GO AWAY FROM HIM. Allah is missing this sister. Allah wants to see her back in prayer. I cant say that for most of us!!! All this confilict is going through her because Allah lets it go on. She has committed sins and she thinks she can’t be saved, but sister you need to realize just because you have committed those sins you can be an even better muslim than those who think they are “clean from sin”. Nobody loves you like Allah. Its a trickery from shaitan to take you away from Allah.
    You should listen to lectures from brother MOHAMED HOBLOS, and MUFTI MENK. I wish there was some other way incould help you. First and foremost get yourself on a prayer mat and PRAY!!!

  6. Asalaamu Alaikum sister,

    I am simply going to give some suggestions of points of actions (with brief explanations) that may help you with things:

    1) You do not have to be a saint or flawless to be a Muslim. To be accepted as a Muslim in the sight of God, you simply must believe with conviction that there is no other deity in existence except Allah, the One True God.

    2) I believe you feel concerned not only about your parents and their reactions but your ultimate fate with Allah. Remember, so long as you do not denounce Him and His religion, there is hope for salvation.

    3) You already can tell there are flaws in Christianity and you wouldn't accept it, hence telling people you are agnostic. Maybe you can relay these concerns to your partner and in turn once you are well educated enough about Islam, you can teach him and in turn (God willing), Allah would turn around a difficult situation to a blessing with your partner accepting Islam. What a great blessing it would be that if Allah granted your partner the gift of Islam, InshaAllah. Christianity is not too far from Islam, and Christians, once given rational and valid proofs through logic and texts from both the Bible and Quran, are more embracing of the truth of Reality which is there is only One Divinity, that is Allah. He pre-existed Existence and He created us with free-will to test which of us will be believing and submitting to Him.

    4) Educate yourself about Islam, with sincerity, free of subjective views from your personal experience. Learn from trust worthy sources, that can relay it to you in your language that you can comprehend well. This way, you will be grounded in your beliefs, even if you decide and choose to commit sin, nevertheless, you won't falter at knowing the truth.

    5) If you are adamant at being with your partner, tell him your concerns, of the welfare of your mother and siblings, and if he is sincere in wanting to be with you, he should also compromise and help accommodate you in certain areas. Maybe he can introduce himself as a Muslim to your father and earn his trust, maybe in time he can ask for your hand in marriage and this way your father can give his blessings? Just a suggestion. Even if he isn't and is lying about it, it is better that the sanctity of life be maintained and no blood is spilled.

    6) Pray the Prayer of Need. I know that prayer may be the last thing on your mind but namaz (salah) is one thing you may find beneficial. http://seekershub.org/ans-blog/2009/07/24/how-does-one-perform-the-prayer-of-need-salat-al-haja/
    Visit the link and give it a try, you have nothing to lose and everything to gain.

    7) Remind yourself over and over again, you can still be a Muslim, even if you are in a state of sin. Being a sinner, does not mean you are outside the folds of Islam.

    I pray Allah grants you facility in your difficult situation and grant you blessings and forgiveness.

  7. Assalamu alaikum sister!
    Keep repenting to Allah ask him for forgiveness he needs it when we are doing it remember, never loose hope in the mercy of Allah he can forgive any sin i mean anyone no matter how the heavy is, but second advice try as much as you can to leave the Christian boi alone because wat ever cause you your peace is totally unaccepted, don't fear the fact that your father will kill or harm you just fear the fact that no matter the pleasure and the enjoyment yu are in now, one day yu will leave this temporary world and dnt let your self to die unless in the condition of Islam, may Allah forgive us both because we all have our weaknesses,
    May Almighty Allah make it easy for us to repent ameen.

    Ayuba fika.

  8. Dear sister ou should act upon what say above all sisters and brothers .ALLAH IS GJAFOOR AND RAHEEM HE forgive our sins even shirk if we repent sincere before death .ALLAH love us so much shytaan laugh at you and he success when you obey him and say you are kafir no yoy are muslim bcz you believe in ONE ALLAH .You have faith and worry about your faith bcz you come here again for suggestions and help you are sinner but not non muslim yiu believe in ONE ALLAH.You should read QURAN daily with translation and you will see how much ALLAH IS MERCIFULL AND whT say ALLAH about shytaan.All my sisters and brothers say correct this is trap from shytaan .You should help family in work and spend time at home and spend tume in good activities and watch islamic programmes on tv and watch videos on youtube about ALLAH MERCY and HIS FORGIVINESS and repents i know it is difficult for you sometime .You can wath islamic programe for 10 minutes and watch islamic lactures and speeches on youtube 10,15 minutes in a day or less but watch regular and pray namazz if you cannot pray 5times a day you should read one namaaZ a day and after that pray 5 times a day.You have faith in your heart so you comehere for help and ALLAH wants help you bcz HE helped YOU to come here .Plz cutoff with him you cannot marry with him bcz he is mot muslim .Muslim woman cannot marry with another religion man.Ai know you will feel pain but give up for the sake of ALLAH ,ALLAH will award you IN SHALLAH .You visit mosque and talk with imam about islam and join islamic sisters community wthose sisters whom act upon on deen .In the begging you feel butden and if not act upon shytaan will success so you should defeat shytaan and ALLH will help you IN SHALLAH . here i am share a link with you how overcome on wasswaas http://islamiclearningmaterials.com/how-to-overcome-waaswaas-3/ http://aboutislam.net/shariah/quran/this-verse/never-be-satisfied-with-average-goals-video/ read SURAH WADOHA for mind and heart peace.This is best cure of anixty and depression. http://productivemuslim.com/sincere-repentance-a-sure-path-to-forgiveness/ https://islamqa.info/en/13990

  9. Sister after pray namazz sit on mat for long time talk with ALLAH and say what is in your heart your feelings .ALLAH knows what in heart but sometime it is best yo say by tongue and ask to ALLAH that i want to change so help me and guide me and save my imaan and deen ALLAH will help you and never WILL alone you IN SHALLAH READ ISTEGHFAAR if your heart is not saying then say and yiu feel burden but it will be from shytaan you will be defeat shytaan .Hijaab is a blessing from ALLAH for the muslim woman . you read ALLAH names and read with meanings you ponder on them these will be good and deep effect n you IN SHALLAH .If you have smart phone you can download ALLAH names with meaning app you download such a app in which you can listen ALLAH name and you can read them and also download SURAHAS SURAH RAHAAN ,SURAH YASEEN R download Full app of QURAN MAJEED you can listen QURAN this is best for you audio QURAN if you want not read QURAN and want listen to QURAN .You download Manzil which is collection of AYAATS AND SHORTT SURAH taken from QURAN and this dua protection from sahir ,magic,enemies ,evil eye and shytaan . Best of luck and pray for me thanks

  10. Sister ITNW ,

    For logical explanation and reasoning please refer to below video

    Is the Qur'an God's Word? by Dr Zakir Naik | Full Lecture

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9RuQMD4yYWg

    Search for more short videos(if you don't have patience to listen for many hours) by Dr .Zakir Naik .He has done many open debates with many Christians and other faith people .Insha Allah this will help you .

    Thanks
    -Sayed

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