Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Abused and beaten in pregnancy

abuse violence sibling brother beats hits

I was married last year. It was a love marriage. But we already had some problems with his family as they never liked me and my parents. But they didn't said no for the marriage so we arranged the dates together. During the marriage function they were rude and arrogant to my family but we didn't made a fuss about anything.

After the marriage I was under great pressure of them, I wasn't allowed to lock the door of my room like ever and I wasnt even allowed to order anything that I want to eat from outside. I wasn't allowed to call my parents or talk to them or even to go to meet them. Had no privacy with my husband had no permission to buy and and store snacks in my room for late night cravings.. I was depressed and was treated like a servant with lots of work burdened over me all alone.

My brother in law also got married along with us but his wife was given a separate home and she wouldn't do anything for them even when she was asked to do so. I was living there like a dummy doing what people want me to do I was lifeless.

One day I had a fight with my husband and his sister came straight in my room and abused and slapped me she took away my mobile so I wouldn't be able to call my parents and the next day she complained about me to her married sister who came to me while I was sleeping and asked me to cut myself or she will kill me with a knife herself. I didn't knew the knives were sharpened for the animal slaughtering for eid ul adha and I got six stitches after that.. My husband never took a stand for me. This happened when I was pregnant.

From the time I was expecting they used to burden me with work like carrying heavy water gallons and using stairs several times a day. I couldn't rest in my room as my husband's sister used to take over the bed and sometimes she used to lie there with my husband while I would be waiting for her to get off the bed so I would lie there..

In October I was cleaning the kitchen from the morning and I was tired I wanted to sleep when I went to my room my sister in law was lying there and she told me to leave the room and let her rest in a harsh tone I just asked her to be kind to me but then she got up and started throwing everything on me she broke the vase and threw all that my parents gave me during the marriage.

My feet was bleeding she slapped me twice and abused my parents I called my husband who saved me from her but then again she called her other sister who pulled my hair and banged my head on the wall and bruised my arm by squeezing it with her nails she even abused me and my sisters calling us prostitutes and abused my father calling him a man who earns money by selling off his daughters. My father prays 5 times plus tahajjud every day my mom and dad are always good to everyone but they always get neglected by people even when they are good to them.. My father has worked in UAE as a finance manager in a bank giving us a life that was simple and religious. We sisters all do hijab and we had been studying in Al sadiq Islamic English school in UAE Dubai.

After they attacked me I was paralysed and in a high temperature which ended for 4-5 days. After few days my parents came to talk and my husband's sisters attacked them too. Then I came along with my parents as we had enough of it. Now my husband wants me to apologise to his family if I want to come back he blames me and my parents for everything. Now they are gone for umrah all of them leaving me here pregnant, depressed, broken, sad and hurted. I don't Know what to do. I'm 23 and I'm  just worried about my baby who has been abandoned along with me by my husband.

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13 Responses »

  1. I feel extremely sorry for your current state of affairs. I know being a woman and living in the Middle East is a double whammy especially when you are married and your in laws treat you badly.

    My advice for you is simply to discuss this matter in great detail with your parents and make it clear to them that you are no longer finding it safe to continue living with your in laws. If your husband decides to live with his parents then you should seriously consider leaving him.

    Your own safety and securty should always be your number one priority no matter how extreme steps you have to take.

    My best wishes to you and may God help you

  2. Assalaamualaikum

    For your own safety and the safety of your unborn child, you need to get away from these people. Make sure your parents know what has been going on, so that they can support you.

    From what you've said, you shouldn't be the one apologising, and if I were in your shoes I wouldn't have the slightest inclination to go back to that abuse. These people put your life and your baby's life at risk, and your husband hasn't been man enough to protect you. I'd offer him an ultimatum - either he can prioritise you and demonstrate that he can protect you from these people, or the two of you can divorce, so that you and your baby can be safe from harm.

    There is strong guidance that we should love and respect our family, and try to preserve family ties, but not at the expense of our physical safety! You have the right to be respected and treated kindly; in my opinion they forfeited any rights over you when they abused you.

    Life as a divorcee can be hard, but inshaAllah it would be less hard than life as a victim of their ongoing abuse.

    If you need additional practical help, you may be able to find a local charity or NGO, and your doctor should inshaAllah be able to help too.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

  3. This is awful, extremely hurting.

    how many siblings do u have?? (i am asking this because my sister is suffering the same and she is pregnant too. my brother and father are supporting her, we are living in different country and she is in other.)

    i hopr u r a qualified girl. i suggest u to stay at ur parents home till baby birth. no need to apologize. i dont know whats ur situation now as ur problem is 2-3 months before. after baby birth do some rest at ur parents home, ur father is educated man he can easily support u. do job and stand for urself. be strong and wait till ur husband come and apologize u for his mistake. when he will be a parent a father he will realize what he did with u he will come his self towards his child. just wait and make prayers that Allah will give him enough strength to take stand for u.

    i know its only ur husband's mistake, none of ur sister in law could touch u or say bluff if ur husband dont want to.
    plz sister be strong stand for urself now u have to think for ur baby as well.

    may Allah bless u a beautiful supportive child, and provide u strength enough to live a happy life.

  4. Oh my God...your husband AND his entire family are actual psychopaths. Actual maniacs! Sister, the signs that this marriage was going to be absolutely cursed were there right from the beginning. When a family overtly takes a strong disliking and unacceptance to you, that's when you know you'll have an extremely difficult marriage on your hands. You should have decides you're worth more than this nonsense and walked away from this man and his family. You do NOT marry into such family, like you did!

    You need to move out of that mental asylum that is your in-laws' house immediately! I'm inclined to suggest divorce as well, because I personally find it completely unacceptable that a husband sits back while allowing his family - or anyone - to treat his wife with the same abuse and oppression that his family is treating you with. That's not the type of man that has any business getting or being married to ANYONE! However, if you insist on giving him a chance, then at least give him an ultimatum. Tell him you DEMAND a house of your own, away from his family - and that he needs to accept that you're going to avoid / keep a distance to his family, because they harm you and force you to harm yourself with weapons (knives). In-laws or not, no one is obligated to be around such mentally sick and disturbed people. In fact, what your sister-in-laws are doing to you is completely illegal...you could easily report them to the police. And I think you should seriously consider doing that...these women are absolutely not normal, and they are even very dangerous.

    You have to think about your unborn child now. You have to put your selfish wants and needs aside and ask yourself if your child is going to be safe and happy growing up in the abusive, violent and psychopathic environment that you currently live in. Please go back to your own family and move on from the mistake you made in marrying this loser of a man.

  5. Please leave this toxic situation. You do not deserve to be treated like that. No one does. Please divorce your husband. He is not a good man nor will he be a good father. If you can stay with your parents stay and never return to your inlaws house. Be strong. You deserve better and are worthy of better. Let your family help you through preganacy and then you can improve yourself and find a job and support yourself and raise your child. Please don't take any more abuse. You are not wrong. Do not apoligize. Leave him and his entire family behind and start your new life. It will be hard but you can do it

  6. Salam,

    Please divorce this man and get away from this family. It seems like his sister is jealous that her brother married you. And as such she feels it's her right to treat you as horribly as she can to get you out of there. Once you have your baby it will be even more harder for her to accept that her brother could've been with another girl and I would expect the abuse to then extend to your child. Please leave them alone, don't apologize, don't go back to them, and divorce your husband. I hope things work out for you in the future.

  7. I am so sorry this is extreme torture and you dont deserve to live Like this, YOu are being tortured just the same way i was tortured by my stepmother for years... when my father didnt take permant stand..... but now after years of her abuse ,,, now my bro n sis are against her and dislike her..and plannin to move out sooon ... me and my sis.. We were called prositute too by her,,, treated like a slave too, yes i know its a different situatub but i am saying i can imagine how it feels to be abused even when you do the right thing.. .. you need to leave a husband who cant respect you and marry another good muslim guy who takes your stand , sis:) ty

  8. Sister leave that son of a B****. Simple. No woman should go through this. You need to leave now.

    • @shoaib unforetunately even some parents treat their kids very very bad too and its stupid to say its ok bcx they r parents . this thing is dumb. isnt it?

  9. I think everyone has given you good advice and said it enough- do not stand for this!

    No human should be treated in such a manner!
    I feel so sad and upset for you reading your post.
    May Allah help you.

    Don't stand for it at all.
    Firstly, your sister in laws should not be touching you at all! Absolutely disgusting.

    Secondly, saying such filth about your family is horrendous. And attacking them is a whole new level. Where is the Adab to talk to elders?

    And thirdly, your husband should have a backbone and be making a stand for you.

    I think some people have mentioned divorce. I would advise that you talk to your husband first and make it crystal clear that you will not tolerate such behaviour.
    But please talk to him first before going to divorce first.
    So either he mends his ways first or you will start divorce petitions.

    Best wishes

    Your Sis in Islam x

  10. What the family has done to you is sick and disgusting. I am so angry when i read what they did to you and want to express how wrong and horrible it is .... i could go on a whole rant about this out of my anger towards what they did, but people already made it clear above in the comments. Leave your husband, if he truly loved you he wouldnt just stand around and do nothing when you are going thru such abuse..... leave because you could regret it in the long run, if the family has anger issues now i cant imagine what it would be like for the baby aswell. a child shouldnt have to grow up in a toxic and abusive environment like that, and you shouldnt have to go thru it either.

    in the end the decision is up to you.but please leave these people. save yourself and this baby.

    Best of luck.

  11. سلام علیکم my dear sister I am extremely sorry for the difficulties that you gone through I can't believe that your sister-in-law raised her hand on you. you know why it's all because of your husband's weakness how could he let his family treated you so badly. and now he ask you to apologize to his family knowing what they did to you that is extremely disturbing sister I'm worried about your safety it seem like they're those kind of people that burn their daughter-in-laws and then say she committed suicide please think about it seriously before going back to that house you don't want to end up in the news in your child orphan there been so many stories like yours sister that end up in tragedies talk to your husband if he can provide you separate house and protect you from his family. and then you could consider getting back together but still be very careful if he didn't agreed then you should seriously consider leaving him my beautiful sister Allah says don't abuse people and do not let other people abuse you I pray that Allah showers you with his Mercy.

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