Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My “friends” pressured me into a haram relationship…will Allah forgive me?

Assalamu’alaikum brothers and sisters,

I am a half Italian and half Algerian girl. I grew up in a Muslim family and my mom always cared about teaching me about Islam, what’s halal and what’s haram... In fact, I was always convinced that I must never date or go near haram acts. When I was 15 years old, I had a dream I will never forget my whole life in which I talked with the prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم. I didn’t understand why I would see such a meaningful dream at such a young age, and I still feel like I never deserved it....Of course I never talked about it to anybody, not even my family, and I am quite hesitant whether or not I should say it here. Anyways, after the dream, I started learning Quran and doing everything Allah ordered us to do. I even started praying; it was hard for me at first and there were few weeks when I stopped for a while, but it has been now 4 years that I have been praying everyday alhamdu lillah.

When I turned 20 years old, I had to move out of Oran in Algeria to go finish my studies in London. So I was far from home and everything changed. All my friends turned their backs on me because we weren’t in touch very much. And I started to make new friends in London who weren’t that religious. But I didn’t want to be lonely so I just kept on hanging out with them (especially since I was half Arab so I was a victim of a lot of racism). Time flew, and those new friends introduced me to a Muslim guy.

We started chatting and so on and I liked the fact that he was a little bit attached to Islam and that he respects people a lot. But I wasn’t ready for a relationship. However, my friends encouraged me to go in saying that "you’re not going to wait until a guy asks for your hand and then you get married to someone you don’t even know" and "dating is normal and you should get those old ideas out of your mind." Anyways, after some time, we started dating and desire led us to commit sins which he thinks are normal but I regret deeply.

We didn’t commit Zina and I prefer to die then do this major sin. But we kissed for several times and he even touched my chest (I am so sorry for the details but I seriously need help). For three years now, we’re still together but I stopped meeting him for nearly a year now since I moved out. And I feel guilty, I have always felt guilty since our first kiss but my friends were always saying that that was normal and I don’t have to feel this way. But going back to Quran and after consulting hadiths, I see that I was wrong.

I can’t even describe how bad I feel for being this careless and commuting such dirty sins. I always cry to sleep and ask God for forgiveness. I don’t want anything; I just want to feel that God is with me, that God loves me, that God isn’t mad at me. I regret deeply my acts and this is killing me each and every second. I even fell into deep depression and was obliged to visit a coach because of mental health problems. I also feel guilty because I don’t deserve a mom like mine, and she deserves a better daughter who isn’t this shameful. I seriously hate myself and hate every second of my life.

I can’t forget what happened and when I remember that I saw the prophet صلى الله عليه و سلم and talked to him, I feel even more miserable and that I am going to be punished because Allah preferred me over a lot of Muslims and blessed me with this dream, and I didn’t appreciate it the way it deserves to be. I just feel terrible and sometimes I even wished that I had died before doing these sins. I just want forgiveness...I don’t care what people say or think. I just want Allah to forgive me, and want to make my mom happy.... Those are the only things I wish for in life.

I am still with the guy, because his parents and sisters just passed away because of an accident and he’s depressed and I am just waiting for him to be better then break everything. For now, I just don’t meet him but we still chat because he needs to talk to someone after the tragedy. Although I know that he loves me and that he wants us to marry, I just want to get closer to God and erase the sins I have committed. Please help me...what should I do? How can I feel better? Because this regret is seriously killing every inch of me. Should I break up with the guy now or after he gets better? Please help me, I am tired of feeling worthless, shameful.

Elena

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2 Responses »

  1. Dear sister by the grace of Allah.

    This is what you should do. Repant to Allah and make dua to Allah that HE marries you to the guy you love/dating. And then ask the guy to ask for your hand in marriage and then get your parents involved so everything is taken seriously for the marriage.

    Why?

    Allah can forgives all sins. The best part of you too getting married through this path. Is that you wont have the guilt of being with any other guy. Which your husband obviously wont like at all because after all no one likes if there partner has been somebody else before. And you can remain pure for the man you were meant to spend your life with this way.

  2. You need to take accountability for your own actions instead of blaming others. Your friends were not there having 3 way kisses with you. It was all you. Remember it takes two to tango. They may have influenced you in a bad way but at the end of the day it was still you. You need to repent and look for new friends. Also labelling sins as major and minor can be dangerous because what you consider minor would be neglected and over time builds up and becomes a major sin as you refer too.

    The last paragraph was disappointing because you litteraly did a u turn from what you said in the prior paragraph.. The fact people died should be making you guys more concerned and eager to split up and repent but yet here you are still playing bf and gf. And you do realise you're leading him on by staying with him. What you gonna do later when he thinks you're an angel and wants to marry you. What we you gp to say? No.. I was only with you because I felt sorry for you.. You're digging yourself a grave jump out while you can.

    Also if your friends said to you come drink alcohol would you say yes? Probably not, keep the same energy when they say you need a bf.

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