Family arguments and emotional blackmail
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Asalam wailaikum
Hope you're all well, I always come on this site for guidance as i find the staff nonjudgmental when giving advice, Alhamdullilah.
Here's my issue, last year I told a close relative (who I have known since birth) that I had let the person I was supposed to wed in their house when they were away (I'm a divorced female with child age 9) but nothing happened Alhamdullilah. I asked her forgiveness and we were ok. She even continued to let me take her teenage kids out, and trusted me with them.
The thing is, 6 years ago when my ex-husband first left this relative's husband came onto me on 3 different occasions. After the 3rd incident where he touched my arm I mentioned this to the relative (only the 3rd incident not those before as this relative is very funny about this sort thing) she had a word and no more incidents happened. A year after this she said I was jealous of her life and was after husband. I still remained close to her as I was a single parent and had no one else to help me.
(This is the reason why I agreed to get married as I did not want to cause arguments or be accused of being a homewrecker)
Now the person I let in the house is related and knows my whole family including this relative. Since I told this relative about letting the person in their home, I feel her husband has told her about the other incidents, as since then things have changed a little between us like her trying to take blame for things I have never accused her of.
In recent months another family member passed away. I was still welcomed in the home of the relative and trusted by her, but things changed even more - she would tell me other family members were saying I said this and that to them when i hadn't, so we would fall out and it would look like I was still depressed over this guy. The guy is currently here in my country as he is from abroad the wedding is off as the guy's sister in law said she had no intention of going through with this proposal and only did it to take the mick.
This relative whose husband came on to me torments me, letting her hubby near me. She knows I hate it but she knows it aggravates me.
Now I don't know what to do. I wanted to tell my mum but I've been made to look bad to my mum. It feels like emotional blackmail to marry the guy from abroad, please advise.
thank you
sis h
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walaikumassalam warahmatullahi wabarakatuhu
That was amazing advice that was.
Assalamualaikum sis h,
Your post was not clear. I tried reading several times but was confused. Did you let this man into her house who will no more marry you? Does this relative of yours want you to marry someone else? Or are these both the same person?
Your relative's husband has no right to come near you. Perhaps you should ignore him, move away when he tries to come closer and lock your door when alone in a room.
If you are living in her house, then move away from it if possible. That is the best way out.
You do not need to marry a person out of coersion and blackmail. Tell her that you respect her but her husband is in no way related to you and he is haraam to even approach you. If he needs to ask you something he can ask it through her. Otherwise, there is no plain reason for this man to even look at you.
Allah's Messenger Sallallahu Alaihi Wasallam has forbidden men from entering upon women when they are alone. Because when they both are alone the third is the Shaitaan, who puts a disease in the hearts.
Beware of this man. You are a divorced woman and he may try to take advantage of that. But do not hasten on a decision such as marriage, as it is a matter of your life. You do not want the history to repeat, do you? You want a husband who will be the coolness of your eyes. Meet the man from abroad in presence of your Mahram (a male relative) and ask whatever you want, that would satisfy you of his character. Only then give an affirmitive response.
If you do not like him, just say no. Do not worry about your relation with this relative. You be sincere and protect your honor. Allah knows your niyyah and he will make her realize one day, in sha Allah.
Talk to your mother. Tell her and tell her that her daughter needs help and support. She will listen, in sha Allah.
Additionally, read on tawheed from books such as Kitab at Tawhid, Qawaa'id al Arba'ah, etc. in order to strengthen your Eemaan and make yourself strong to face the trials and build your Aakhirah.
Abu Abdul Bari
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
salaam
my dear sister you need to avoid going to this relatives house all together you do not need this sort of help ok i am a single parent of two i don't have any family help or from anyone else and i am still able to manage everything
and from what you explain this female relative of yours is trying to wreck your home stay clear of her