Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Advice and prayers regarding marriage

cloud of faith, interfaith, many religious symbols

I am a muslim woman and I am seeing a man raised in a Sikh family, (for 2 year) however he is not a practicing sikh. He is agnostic. He believes in only one god, as does his family. I know Sikh's typically believe in many gods, however his family believes differently and so does he. In a literal sense, he is monotheistic, since he believes in only one God. He believes God is an almighty power and entity just like any muslim, christian, or jewish would believe.

My issue is that we want to get married. He fully encourages me and allows me to practice my religion. Since meeting him I pray more and am more inclined to Islam, so I don't believe he will hinder my beliefs and practices at all. Regarding the possibility of us actually marrying and having kids, he is also fine with raising them as muslims and he says I can have full authority over that matter.

This man practices many of the teachings of Islam i.e. he doesn't drink, he's a good man, cares for the less fortunate etc. However, he does not want to revert to Islam. He has even told me himself that he believes Islam is a very peaceful religion, and his religion and ours have many similarities, however he still does not want to convert and he said he doesn't know how his family would react if he ever did. His family is fine with me being a muslim and practising my religion as well.

Everything about religion, my family, and culture makes it nearly impossible for us to get married. I would really appreciate all the prayers and advice I can get on this matter.

When I look at it Islamically, Allah SWT says women must marry within Islam. I live in the west and I haven't grown up with or met any good practicing muslim men for almost 20 years. Everyone is always saying marry a muslim but I know muslim men who are just labelled as muslims but don't follow it to the slightest. I don't want to be with a man who is called a muslim but drinks alcohol and doesn't pray or follow Islam. At least this man believes in one god and prays 5 times and follows many islamic teachings although he is not from a muslim family or technically called a muslim himself.

I asked my mom what she considers a muslim and she says the two most important things that define a muslim are 1. belief in Allah SWT and him alone, and 2. Belief that prophet Muhammed SWS is the last prophet. I'm not sure if he believes in the latter, so following that I asked my sister and she says the most important thing is belief in Allah and Allah alone. Those who belief in God will inshallah be granted Jannah if they practice to be good people.

I'm so confused about everything. I want to be with this man. He follows Islam more than any "proper muslim" I know. He is a good man. Nothing about him is non-islamic, aside from the fact that he will not revert to Islam, his beliefs are all in line with Islam.

The problem is that nobody in my family or back home would consider him a muslim just because of his name and family background.

I ask that you all please make dua for me and him. I pray every night for Allah to guide him more towards Islam fully. Verily, he guides those whom he wishes to and leads astray whom he wishes. I want to be with this man so badly even if he wasn't labelled as a muslim I would want him as my husband. I myself consider him a muslim based on his values and beliefs.

I am not the most religious person and probably not even well-educated in Islam, but I've been brought up in a muslim family where everyone practices vary diversely. My father is very liberal as compared to my mother and my sister is very strict and straightforward although she interprets differently from my mother. I don't feel like I have anyone close I can talk to this about or anyone who can help or guide me.

I would appreciate any advice or opinions on this matter. I know many of you will say straight up that this relationship is not allowed and if that is what you believe then I request you please make a prayer for Allah to guide him to Islam and for him and I to have a future together.


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

7 Responses »

  1. Salam.

    For Muslim women it is not allowed to marry non-muslim men. The Ayat you quoted about good people apply to Muslims who practice and follow the sunnah of the Prophet (PBUH). In order to do this, one needs to take the shahadah (recite the kalimah) after which he has to pray and honor the obligations set out for sane and adult Muslims. There is no point in prayer if one has not taken the shahadaah and as you've described in your post, he said he will not revert at all so you cannot marry him until he becomes Muslim. It is good that you are making Dua for this man's guidance but understand that Allah (SWT) answers duas in different ways (ie there is a possibility that the person will not come to Islam despite your duas). In this case, I highly recommend that you look for a practicing Muslim man.

    There are plenty Muslim men who are of good character and practicing. You just have to put in an honest effort to look for them. I recently held the same opinion of not being able to find a suitable Muslimah but Alhamdlillah I reached out to an Imam and his wife has found some sisters who are looking for marriage. In shaa Allah, if you make a sincere effort to find a Muslim man, you will find him. Go to your local mosque and talk to the imam about finding a suitable partner. In the meantime, become someone who a religious man would want to be with; start offering prayers, covering yourself properly, and become closer with your deen and let this Sikh man go as it is haraam for Muslims to interact with persons of the opposite gender.


  2. What is Islam’s attitude towards a Muslim woman who marries a non-Muslim man, because she needed to do that, i.e. she was forced into this marriage?.
    Praise be to Allaah.
    It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir, and the marriage is not valid.

    Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al‑Mushrikoon[polytheists] till they believe (in Allaah Alone)”

    [al-Baqarah 2:221]

    “O you who believe! When believing women come to you as emigrants, examine them; Allaah knows best as to their Faith, then if you ascertain that they are true believers send them not back to the disbelievers. They are not lawful (wives) for the disbelievers nor are the disbelievers lawful (husbands) for them”

    [al-Mutahanah 60:10].

    The fact that she was forced into that does not justify her giving in and surrendering to this marriage. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “There is no obedience to any created being if it involves disobedience to the Creator.”

    This marriage is regarded as invalid, and intercourse with him is zina (fornication, adultery). End quote.

  3. Wa `alaykum As-Salamu wa Rahmatullahi wa Barakatuh.

    In the Name of Allah, Most Gracious, Most Merciful.

    All praise and thanks are due to Allah, and peace and blessings be upon His Messenger.

    Dear sister in Islam, we would like to thank you for the great confidence you place in us, and we implore Allah Almighty to help us serve His cause and render our work for His Sake.

    First of all, it is to be stressed that Islam does not encourage the interfaith marriages. The general rule of Islam is that Muslims should marry Muslims. A Muslim male or female should not marry a non-Muslim male or female. The only exception is given to Muslim men who are allowed to marry the chaste girls from among the People of the Book.

    However, a Muslim woman is better suited to a Muslim man than a woman of Christian or Jewish faith, regardless of her merits. This is because marriage is not based on fulfilling one’s sexual desires; rather, it is an institution. It aims to establish a home on the bases of tranquility, faith and Islamic morals. To fulfill this task, the whole family must apply Allah’s course and try to convey His message.

    It is obvious that Islam made it impermissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim with aim of keeping her away from things that may jeopardize her faith. In fact, Islam aims at protecting religion. To achieve this goal, it prohibits a Muslim from being involved in something that represents a threat to his religion. A Muslim woman will not feel that her religion is secure while being with a Jewish or a Christian husband especially as the majority of the People of the Book do not show due respect to our Prophet, Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon him).

    Allah Almighty says: “And the Jews will not be pleased with thee, nor will the Christians, till thou follow their creed. Say: Lo! The guidance of Allah (Himself) is Guidance. And if you should follow their desires after the knowledge which hath come unto thee, then wouldst thou have from Allah no protecting friend nor helper.” (Al-Baqarah 2: 120)

    Given the fact that the husband is generally the head of the household, it's not far-fetched for a non-Muslim husband to prevent his Muslim wife from performing some Islamic rituals which may seem a nuisance to him, for example fasting, or even refraining from marital relations during the fast. As a result, he might force her to change her religion, and if she refuses, the situation may culminate in divorce.

    As for why Islam allows a Muslim man to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, it's clear that every Muslim believes in Moses and Jesus (peace be upon them) and he holds all the Prophets of Allah in high esteem. Thus a Muslim finds no harm in his wife’s being a Christian or a Jew, for the spirit of tolerance Islam holds for other religions is ingrained in him.

    In his response to the question you raised, the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheikh Muhammad Al-Hanooti, member of the North American Fiqh Council, states:

    If Allah is the one who prohibits a Muslim woman from marrying a non-Muslim, then we as Muslims are supposed to believe it and to take it. As a matter of faith, you cannot become a Muslim unless you accept everything when it is ordained by Allah or carried out by his Messenger. The Qur'an says, "O Ye who believe! Put not yourselves forward before Allah and His Messenger…" (Al-Hujurat 49: 1)

    If you ask about the benefits of not marrying a non-Muslim, we can count you many reasons. A man is the manager of his household. He will persecute his Muslim wife in many dos and don'ts. She can hardly guarantee that kind of operation. Moreover, marriage is an institution for elevating our levels of having a good Islamic life. Pleasing Allah is our number one goal. If a woman is married to a non-Muslim, maybe the only thing she will accomplish in her marital life is what is good for livestock.

    Shedding more light on the question, we'd like to cite the words of the eminent Muslim scholar, Sheik Yusuf Al-Qaradawi, in his well-known book, The Lawful and the Prohibited in Islam:

    It is haram for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, regardless of whether he is of the People of the Book or not. We have already mentioned the saying of Allah, "...and do not marry (your girls) to idolaters until they believe..." (Al-Baqarah 2: 221)

    And He said concerning the immigrant Muslim women: "Then if you know them to be Believers, do not send them back to the unbelievers. They are not lawful for them (as wives), nor are they lawful for them (as husbands)." (Al-Mumtahanah 60: 10)

    No text exists which makes exceptions for the People of the Book. Hence, on the basis of the above verses, there is a consensus among Muslims concerning this prohibition.

    Thus, while a Muslim man is permitted to marry a Christian or Jewish woman, a Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a Christian or Jewish man. There are many sound reasons for this difference. First, the man is the head of the household, the one who maintains the family, and he is responsible for his wife. And while Islam guarantees freedom of belief and practice to the Christian or Jewish wife of a Muslim, safeguarding her rights according to her own faith, other religions, such as Judaism and Christianity, do not guarantee the wife of a different faith freedom of belief and practice, nor do they safeguard her rights. Since this is the case, how can Islam take chances on the future of its daughters by giving them into the hands of people who neither honor their religion nor are concerned to protect their rights?

    A marriage between a man and woman of different faiths can be based only on the husband's respect for his wife's beliefs; otherwise a good relationship can never develop. Now, the Muslim believes that both Judaism and Christianity originated in divine revelation, although later distortions were introduced into them. He also believes that God revealed the Tawrah to Moses and the Injeel to Jesus, and that both Moses and Jesus (peace be on them) were among the Messengers of Allah who were distinguished by their steadfast determination. Accordingly, the Christian or Jewish wife of a Muslim lives under the protection of a man who respects the basic tenets of her faith, her Scripture, and her Prophets, while in contrast to this the Jew or Christian recognizes neither the Divine origin of Islam, its Book, or its Prophet (peace be on him). How then could a Muslim woman live with such a man, while her religion requires of her the observance of certain worships, duties, and obligations, as well as certain prohibitions. It would be impossible for the Muslim woman to retain her respect for her beliefs as well as to practice her religion properly if she were opposed in this regard by the master of the house at every step.

    It will be realized from this that Islam is consistent with itself in prohibiting the Muslim man to marry a mushrik (polytheist) woman, for since Islam is absolutely opposed to shirk (polytheism), it would obviously be impossible for two such people to live together in harmony and love.

    Allah Almighty knows best.

  4. Why can’t a Muslim woman marry a non-Muslim man
    In Islam a Muslim man can not marry a non Muslim woman unless she is Christian or Jewish. He is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim woman believing in any religion other than these two religions. However, the Muslim woman is not allowed to marry a non-Muslim man even if he was a Christian or a Jew.

    The proof for this are the following verses from the Holy Quran which says: “This day (all) the good things are allowed to you; and the food of those who have been given the Book is lawful for you and your food is lawful for them; and the chaste from among the believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the Book before you (are lawful for you); when you have given them their dowries, taking (them) in marriage, not fornicating nor taking them for paramours in secret; and whoever denies faith, his work indeed is of no account, and in the hereafter he shall be one of the losers.” (Al-Maaedah : 5)

    Imam al-Tabari said in his commentary on this verse:
    “and the chaste from among the believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the Book before you” means, free woman among those whom have been given the book, namely the Jews and Christians who believe in what is in the Tawraat (Torah) and Injeel (Gospel), whether from among the Arabs or other people; you are permitted to marry them “when you have given them their dowries” which means, if you give to those whom you marry of your (Muslims’) chaste women and their (Jews’ and Christians’) chaste women their dowries.” - (Tafseer al-Qurtubi, 6/104)

    But it is not permissible for a Muslim man to marry a Magian (Zoroastrian) woman or an idol-worshipping woman, etc.

    The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
    “And do not marry Al-Mushrikaat (idolatresses) till they believe (worship Allaah Alone). And indeed a slave woman who believes is better than a (free) Mushrikah (idolatress), even though she pleases you” (al-Baqarah 2:221)

    It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim from any other religion, whether from among the Jews or Christians, or any other religion. It is not permissible for her to marry a Jew, a Christian, a Magian, an idol-worshipper… etc.

    The evidence for that is the verse in which Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):
    “Do not marry unbelieving women (idolaters), until they believe: A slave woman who believes is better than an unbelieving woman, even though she allures you. Nor marry (your girls) to unbelievers until they believe: A man slave who believes is better than an unbeliever, even though he allures you. Unbelievers do (but) beckon you to the Fire. But Allah beckons by His Grace to the Garden (of bliss) and forgiveness, and makes His Signs clear to mankind: That they may celebrate His praise.” (al-Baqarah 2:221)

    The reason for this is that Islam highly regards the marital bond between the man and his wife and marital life must be based on a solid foundation. Allah Almighty says in a Quranic verse
    “And one of His signs is that He created mates for you from yourselves that you may find rest in them, and He put between you love and compassion; most surely there are signs in this for a people who reflect.” (Alrum : 21)

    When a Muslim man is married to a Christian or a Jewish woman, he is ordered by Islam to respect her religion and he is not allowed to prevent her from practicing her religious rites and he should not stop her from going to church or temple. This respectful attitude is a guarantee that protects the family from falling apart.

    However when a Muslim woman marries a non-Muslim, respect for her religion is not guaranteed because a Muslim believes in all the Prophets and respects Christianity and Judaism, however non-Muslims may not believe in the Prophet of Islam. By that, a Muslim woman is not guaranteed to have her freedom in practicing her religious rites and she would have to live with a man who does not respect her religion. This attitude will sooner or later cause the family to fall apart. So it is actually one rule which is to guarantee that both the husband and the wife would respect each others belief. If this rule is not guaranteed then it is better to stop a relation that would result in nothing but wrecked families.

  5. 8396: What is the punishment for a Muslim woman who marries a Christian man?
    How is a woman to be punished if she marries a Christian? How often is it carried out and in what countries is it most common?
    Praise be to Allaah.

    It is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a kaafir (non-Muslim), whether he is Jewish, Christian or an idol-worshipper, because the man has authority over his wife, and it is not permissible for a kaafir to have authority over a Muslim woman. For Islam is the true religion and all other religions are false. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “And give not (your daughters) in marriage to Al-Mushrikoon till they believe (in Allaah Alone)” [al-Baqarah 2:221]

    “And never will Allaah grant to the disbelievers a way (to triumph) over the believers” [al-Nisaa’ 4:141]

    And the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “Islam should prevail and should not be prevailed over.”

    If a Muslim woman marries a kaafir when she knows the ruling, then she is a zaaniyah (adulteress), and her punishment is the punishment for adultery. If she was ignorant of the ruling then she is excused, but they must be separated, and there is no need for a divorce because the marriage is null and void. On this basis, the Muslim woman whom Allaah has honoured with Islam and her guardian must beware of that and must adhere to the limits set by Allaah, and they must feel proud of Islam. Allaah says (interpretation of the meaning):

    “Those who take disbelievers for Awliyaa’ (protectors or helpers or friends) instead of believers, do they seek honour, power and glory with them? Verily, then to Allaah belongs all honour, power and glory” [al-Nisaa’ 4:139]

    Written by Shaykh ‘Abd al-Rahmaan al-Barraak

  6. Salam sister,
    It sounds like this man is leading you in circles. If he is acting like a muslim and praying 5 times, saying calimah every day, and believing calimah...then as much as he doesnt want to admit it, he is a muslim. The fact that he is too scared of his family to publicly convert is typical. This should be a condition for him if you were to get married : he must first convert and commit to Islam. How can he commit to you if he cannot commit even to his own creator?

  7. Asalaam Walaikum.

    The fact he is scared of reverting because if his family what makes you say he wouldnt do something in the future with your kids because of his family. (I am ignorant of the Sikh faith I admit) But I'm sure he would take your kids to a Sikh ceromony for the sake of his family.

    Reading your post clearly shows you are trying to convince yourself of him being a suitable match my dear sister. But deep down you and I know the answer.

    May Allah give him Hidayat and May Allah bless you with a Beautiful Pious Husband and Kids ... Ameen.

Leave a Response

Cancel Reply