Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My mother being the dominant one is not agreeing for my choice of marriage

I'm a 20 year old girl, I started having feelings for a guy who was my friends brother. He is 6 years older than me and is a mature guy. he has good Islamic values and is a guy of sound character. i came to know that the feelings were mutually shared between us. So I decided to tell my parents as we didn't wanted anything haram. My father was happy to hear the news but my mother who is the dominant one in the family disagreed. With no valid reason. The only reason she could think of was that he isn't that financially strong like us. We have all the luxuries Allhamdulliah. But my concern was that he is just 26 right now and is working really hard on his studies and career. Also rizq is given by Allah swt. Not everyone is born with a golden spoon in their mouth. And I am not the kind of rich spoil girl that I can't live without all the worldly luxuries.

i am a patient person and I want to prove everyone that these worldly luxuries won't grant us Jannah. but my mother is reluctant and wants me to marry some guy with a western passport so she can brag about her rich son in law infront of relatives and her friends. My father is agreed to meet him but due to my mothers emotional blackmailing he keeps silent. I don't know what to do. The guy wants to meet my family and ask for my hand in marriage as quickly as possible. If I can get my father to agree can I get my nikkah done without my moms permission?? She said it herself she wants a rich guy to be my husband she doesn't care if he is 20 years older than me.she is really rude to me and blackmail me all the time I'm so tired that I just want to give up. Can my mother force me to marry someone i don't want to? If I get my father to agree can I marry the guy I want to marry? Does Islam gives me any right to stand against this oppression against my mother? Or should I just give up?


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3 Responses »

  1. Yes .If your father agrees and became wali in the marriage it will be valid marriage . But let me tell you if you are born and brought up in rich environment and after marriage if you get in to not so rich/poor environment it will will be suffocating for you .Love and all will vanish slowly ..Its a big catch .Are you so much relgious and have high level of taqwa to handle sufferings due to shortage of money ? its not so easy as you think .

  2. Assalaamualaykum Mariposa,

    Thanks for writing in. You are facing an understandably difficult challenge and have lots of questions. I think that if time is a concern for you, you should start reading Salat ul-Hajah, the 2-rakah "prayer for a need" (with Surah Al-Ikhlas and Surah Al-Kaafiroon as the two surahs after Surah Al-Fatiha.). After the prayer, make dua for Allah to guide you and help you in this matter. You can cry to Allah all you want in your confusion and pain. Allah knows your heart and desperation and can guide you best in the days, weeks, and months to come. He is with you every step of the way, which can bring you great comfort.

    Also, you'll want to do the Salat-al-Istikhara, the prayer for Allah to guide you to the best decision among two alternatives, or general guidance if you say just the first part of the prayer. If you are not familiar with this prayer, you can find information about it in the blue menu at the top of the page, under "Istikhara Questions and Answers."

    Remember that, Islamically, you cannot be forced to marry anyone.

    Please remember to drink lots of water and get a good night's sleep as you take these steps, if possible. sweetheart.

    May Allah guide you to the best decision and grant you ease, comfort, and happiness in your marriage.


  3. You are very lucky that you have your father's side

    most likely everything will go in your favor

    but because your suitor is learning to stand on his own feet

    it will take some time for you two to actually get married

    because he needs to be financially able to take care of you

    don't care what your mother says
    she is not important

    if she starts yelling pretend to be deaf or turn on some loud rock and roll music and drown her out

    Portray religious sarcasm to her and say, "yes mama

    you are right
    after all, do you remember all the times when the holy prophet forced people to only married because of their financial means?

    he never wanted poor people to marry and be happy, right?"

    Watch how her face falls

    One other thing to look at
    You really need to see whether or not the man you are interested in is sincerely interested in you

    or if he is possibly after your wealth

    what you need to do is this as a test

    tell him that you want you and him to live in a separate apartment after marriage

    and that you have no interest in your parents wealth

    let's see how he reacts

    Also without his knowledge take a special form of birth control

    that will prevent pregnancy for a number of years

    if the man is decent
    you know you made the right choice

    but if the man is indecent
    divorce him

    and you will not have to worry about the difficulties of raising children
    or fighting for custody etc.

    Good luck

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