Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I miss my ex husband so much… I want him back.

broken heart

Salaam,

I got religiously married to my ex husband 8 months ago. When we first got engaged, it was perfect up until him & my family got into a bit of an altercation. They stopped speaking for months & because I didn't go against him for them, they were extremely upset with me & it got to the point were I started to get mentally and physically abused by my parents. He also had anger problems but he never hit me. However, he would yell at me a lot & curse at me too. And one time he kicked me out of his house because he accused me of things that I didn't do.

But, we loved each other so much. Even though our marriage was a bit rocky, I never planned on leaving him ever. There were times when I would be so depressed because of our situations that I'd even think about committing suicide & or leaving my house. I tried to be the wife that he wanted me to be but I guess it wasn't enough for him.

So fast forward to the month we got divorced, I had received a phone call from him saying that he doesn't know if he wants this marriage anymore & that his parents told him not to continue our marriage because of my family.. I was so so depressed. He said he didn't want us talking for a couple of days because he wanted to pray istikhara.

Thats when I told my parents about the problem and told them to fix it with him because he was gonna leave me if they didn't. They didn't want too but I know they would've if my ex gave them a chance.

After my aunt & uncle heard about our situation, they told me to lie and tell everyone that I was pregnant. So thats exactly what I did, and it made the problem even worse, he was very very upset with me & left me the next day. He went to the sheikh, and that was the end of that. I was so so depressed.

I started talking to an old friend of mine and two days after my divorce, she decided that she didnt wanna talk to me anymore. A week later I found out that they became friends. I was devastated. So heartbroken. She had sent me a text that night saying "You still wanna spread rumors and you didn't learn? You're ex husband said he's going to post all of your pictures If you don't stop". Word has gotten around to him saying that I supposedly talked about him and thats what made him wanna talk to her.

I took 4 advils that night, I don't know what my intention was but all I remember was feeling depressed, angry, backstabbed, & just so heartbroken. I was hospitalized twice at a psychiatric unit and even made false accusations against him because my aunt and uncle pressured me too. They said that if I don't go forward with the charges then I'd never get married & everyone (excuse my language) will call me a whore. 2 nights before court, I decided that I wanted to drop the charges. In the court house, I had an anxiety attack because thats when my aunt told the police officers and the court clerk that I am crazy and Im not capable of making my own decisions and etc. But since Im 18, no-one in my family had any say in it. But since I had an anxiety attack, the court had to send me to the hospital and I was hospitalized for 5 days.

After I got discharged, I dropped the temporary restraining order & now me and him have to go back to court on October for different charges and Ill be dropping those also. My social workers & psychiatrists told me not to go home until I feel comfortable too but my family wasn't having it, I stayed at my sisters house for a night then went back home. After that, I heard my mother talk about me to my brother-in-law & said I was the reason that him and my sister fight.. Hearing this made me very hurt, so I called my ex husband asked him to pick me up & we filed a complaint against my family.. My aunt and uncle specifically because they started to threaten me and what not.

My ex husband wasn't going to allow me to stay home with everything going on so he booked a motel and I stayed there for 2 nights, then I went back to the hospital and got discharged today. He doesn't want to get back together because of my family & because he's hurt after everything that happened. We are both so very depressed. We love each other but he doesn't want us to get back together.

I know I'm 18 and ill get over it eventually, but this man means the world to me. I want to do something to fix it but I feel useless. I cried for him every night since he left me, I would fall down after I pray and after hours of making duaa for him. I just need to do something. His family is cursing at him now because everyone thinks that he's the reason why I left my house and etc. and I just feel terrible. What should I do? ( I would also like to mention that I was molested by my uncle when I was 13 & my mom was in denial. My ex husband helped me through it after I told him about it. My aunt made me say that it was him that molested me)

allah4321

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1 Responses »

  1. Assalaamualaikam

    The first thing I'll say is this: you're still young and have your whole life ahead of you - don't take any more overdoses or harm yourself because of this situation.

    If you and this man have divorced, then he is no longer your mahram and you should not be spending any time alone with him. If he doesn't want to marry you and be in a halal relationship, then tell him not to contact you anymore. Anything else will only lead to more hurt for you in the longer term. I know it will hurt in the short term but trust in Allah's guidance.

    Your aunt and uncle don't sound like the sort of people from whom you should be taking guidance. Especially if your uncle has molested you. Minimise any contact you have to have with them, don't follow any more of their "advice", and don't tell any more lies because of them.

    It seems that your situation has got you very distressed and I think you would benefit from someone impartial to talk with about all this. I'd recommend getting in touch with a trained counsellor (maybe through your GP/family doctor) for more support.

    Midnightmoon
    IslamicAnswers.com editor

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