Is there a future for a Muslim in a sexual relationship with an Agnostic?
I would firstly like to say that I am not a Muslim woman. I have been dating a Muslim boy at my university in the United States and he has told me lots of stories from the Quran and about his religion, and being fairly non-religious (agnostic) myself I have found some of these stories deeply moving and this religion very interesting. I greatly respect his choice to practice Islam. We have been together for almost a year and we love each other very much.
I have been looking for answers to some questions for a long time though, and I'm hoping I can find answers here. He has mentioned before that if I believe the beliefs of Islam that I should convert, but only if I believe it truly and not just so that he doesn't go to hell. Does this mean that he will go to hell or be punished in the afterlife for being with me because I am not Muslim?
We have also been sexual with each other and both of us are no longer virgins (although we were when we started to see each other). He has recently told me that he no longer wants to continue having sexual relations with me because he believes that sex is for after marriage. Is this also a strong belief in Islam? And will he receive some sort of punishment for already losing his virginity to me?
Although I love him and would stay with him, I found that the sexual aspect of our relationship really strengthened our connection. However I do not want to pressure him into anything that would go against his beliefs.
Also wondering for the future, is he allowed to marry me if I do not convert? Or is this required?
Thank you very much, and God bless.
-allyson
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Salaams,
I appreciate you taking the time to bring your questions to us. There are so many people out there who would rather just do what they want, even at the expense of another person they claim to care about, and not even bother to find out what may be important in that other person's life or how they should respect another's beliefs. I hope what I can write in response will help clarify what you are trying to understand.
Islam in general puts a strong emphasis on outlining behaviors and societal structures that show respect and honor to all of creation, especially our fellow man. As a result, there are a lot of details about how we should govern ourselves so that we are showing value to ourselves and each other, especially when it comes to sexual expression. Islam is not the only religion which espouses that the sexual relationship should be confined to marriage. However, Islam does go to great lengths to define how that should be done. For single men and women, there should only be minimal and necessary interaction. What this means is, there is no dating, no boyfriend and girlfriend relationships, and no sexual liasons permitted. To violate any of these is considered a serious sin. Simply put, your boyfriend is in the wrong, according to his belief in Islam, not only by having been sexual with you, but also by having any type of relationship with you at all.
If your boyfriend were practicing Islam in the purest form, and he saw a girl he cared for, he would immediately make arrangements with his family to approach the girls family about marriage. Then, he and the girl could get to know one another under chaperoned visits, to make sure they are compatible. They would not be permitted to even hold hands, or touch one another in any way, until they were married. I understand he was not following these guidelines with you, and he crossed several important lines while engaging in a relationship with you. Whether or not he is punished is up to Allah, and none of us can say if he will earn what he has deserved or if he will have repented sufficiently to gain Allah's mercy. I will say, that he will be in a much better position to avoid any punishments due if he were to cut ties with you completely. I am only saying that from a spiritual and religious standpoint, not of one considering the implication it would have on your personal feelings.
As far as he is concerned, as a Muslim man, he is limited to who he can marry. Of course he can marry another Muslim woman, but he is also permitted to marry Christian and Jewish women (although men are generally advised to avoid doing so). He may not marry anyone who is considered a polytheist (such as a Hindu), or a non-believer (such as an atheist or agnostic). So to answer your question, if he were to marry you, it would be an invalid marriage and he would be living in sin so long as he remained with you. If you were to convert to Islam he could then marry you, but he advised you correctly in saying that you should only do so if you have that belief from your own heart...not for the sake of being with him alone.
I've heard some agnostic's say that they neither believe nor disbelieve in a Creator. I've heard them explain it like they are neutral, like they don't have compelling belief about a Creator but also "wouldn't rule it out". I'm not sure how you conceptualize yourself or your beliefs, but clearly the foundation is going to be whether you believe in a Creator or not. You have to explore for yourself why you don't believe that, and what that belief gains you. If you believe in a Creator, then of course the next path is finding out Who that Creator is, what is He like, and what is our purpose in life in relation to Him?
I hope you will, for your own sake and education, look at these aspects as you continue your journey through life. I hope that all of mankind could see the truth and beauty in Islam, and in knowing Allah, but Allah guides as He likes. Please feel free to come here if you have other questions you feel we may be able to help you with.
-Amy
IslamicAnswers.com Editor
But some christian believe that Jesus is God not son of God
In islands it is major sin to have sex or as Allah says in the quran even go near zine fornication.
This includes dating, seeing women alone, looking at a woman's awrah her beauty, talking to women and walking towards them..it is forbidden to even go near sex out of marriage can you imagine what having sex the punishment would be.
If he dies in.that state without repentance and stopping the action and situation yes you are helping in.enter Hell. But he can not blame you he is a Muslim he should have self control to not go.near women.
If he wahat to change he needs to cut all ties with you. No communicating not seeing you and turning back to Allah to repent. He need to fast and because fornication is a.major bin he needs to really increase his good deeds a lot and ask for forgiveness and cry with sincerity that he will change and never do it again
Which means no relationship at all with you.
If you know about the quran stories then you should no about sex out of marriage being a huge sin.
He should too.
God tells us in the quran the biggest trial fitna for.men is women. That is why we can not nix freely god created us and he knows us better then we know ourself, so.when god tells us something he knows. When.he forbids something for a good reason. Look what a happened because that boy disobeyed Allah he commuted major sin.
Mi free.mixing is allowed eve between Muslim.men.and women if you are joy directly related you can jot be never that person.
Love is for marriage, sex is for marriage only. So yes you guys commuted a major sin.
But he can rectify the situation by turning back to Allah and never seeing you again or speaking to you. It's upto him to choose between heaven and Hell his his and a woman just creation of god.