Islamic marriage advice and family advice

I am confused and depressed, will my baby go to Jannah?

mother and baby, family

Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle(sws) said, "No child is born but has the Islamic Faith..."

I am Asian nationality who need advice and i need somebody to talk to, i m a nurse working in Saudi Arabia, Im Roman Catholic before i come to Saudi.Then i decided to convert to islam without permission to my mother for the reason that one time i attend in Al Dawah Center and i feel comfortable and i feel happiness in hearth, Im married in Catholic Church and I have 2 kids but im separated with my husbandIm a single mother for this 2kids.Upon working in Saudi Arabia i meet one man who i love most our relationship last for two years we just going outside with a friends, he is a muslim,He is teaching me a lot about islam thoughts. One day he invite me to go outside for a date. This man im thinking that every time i come with him just to eat in the restaurant i feel im comfortable and i happy and when i see his eyes Suban allah  i see he have some thing hidden problem but he is pretending to be happy..he then already told me that he is a married man with son he told me that he is not happy with his wife Because everytime his wife make blackmail him by killing her self by drinking toxic,bouncing her head in the wall,put gasoline in her dress and put fire..That time i leave our friendship Then i did not know that i fall in love with him...

I know that is Haram to fallen love with a married man.but when he told me to come and visit his cousin me and his cousin notice that his arms have a lot of scratch in his skin i did not ask who do this to him and he told me the story that his wife is nagger and he did not trust him,in short his wife have a bad attitude of jealousy with nonsense every time she is suspecting that his husband have another girl i witness alot of quarrel and fighting on them..Then he told me that sometimes he is thinking that he want to divorce her. He divorce his wife by saying Talak three times with a month apart.Then he proposed to me that he want to marry me that time im not islam  and i told him i dont like to convert to islam because i want to married you in islamic points i want if i convert to islam i want with all my hearth not with Hippocrates.

Then we have along relationship to get to know each other then again he proposed to me that time finished my coursed in Al Dawah Center so i decided to marry him.But i dont know if my marriage is halal or not coz we married in one muttawah with 4 witness all his friends he buy me a set of jewelry for my muhur first they let me to make shahada in front of that muttawah then they give me islamic name then afterwards the marriage is finished i did not make any party just like that.Then for 4 years were together in one house he support his son with his wife i did not know that after he marriage  me again he married his ex-wife just i know because i make istikahara and 4times see him in my dreams 4 times that again he married then he woke me up then i told him why u did not tell me he ask me what are u saying? i said u married again in my dreams he said this is only your dreams if i married again my wife how come evryday i stay with you then again i dream of that then im cry he see me crying to much he hug me and said that ok i will tel you i married again my wife after i married you but that is for the sake of my kids.

I said i want to see your wife i want to know if that girl is that exact face of the girl in my dreams.He donnt like me to bring in his house then he cry to me just not to come but i insist i told him dont worry i will not fight with your wife im muslim and i know that u can married 4times.then before we go he called his mother and his housemaid to remove every sharp object that could harm me then we go after wards i meet his wife she is too much angry with me she want to hit my face but my husband is always in my side and she throw shoes on my face but it did not hurts me coz physically it not hurts me but inside my heart too much i feel pain. Then she try to sit beside me i said listen to me im not coming here just to fight with you i cannot stay with this realationhips i come here just i want to meet you in person then she hit my face by her hands that time my husband run beside me and push her away and hit her face twice then i told him no dont hurt her she is girl you have to respect her but i see the eyes of my husband that he did not love this girl anymore but she is trying to convince ny husban.

We go back to my house and try to fix everything i advice my husband to stay sometimes in her ex-wife coz i know the rule in islam you have two wife you should give equal time and he said i can choose were i want to stay i want with you so i will stay here but sometimes he go there to visit his son then all of a sudden again i have a dreams that his ex-wife is pregnant im thinking how then i ask him if his wife i pregnant he told me directly no and added how come she will get pregnant i did not do sex to her i said nothing becouse i have dreams again that she is pregnant.

After two moths he told me im in the hospital because my ex-wife need operation i said why what happen. Again he told me i dont know..then when he go home the doctor tells to him in his moble and they said its Ectopic Pregnancy. I cry to him not because im jelous i cry because he did not tell me the truet that her another wife is pregnant second time he lie with me.That time i think i want divorce im asking him to better divorce me im suffering too much pain i cannot bear in it but he dont like he said i will divorce her but not you. That time i feel im stupid and busted i cannot think too much in my hospital work then suddenly i fall down then when i wake up the doctor told me im 3 weeks pregnant I feel happy because this is im asking to Allah (SWT) when i make my umrah and kiss the blackstone i said Allah i submit my self to you coz i believe that you are my God and my creator what ever you want to happen it will happen but one thing i want i want baby from my husband.

i said i promised that i take care of this baby that you give.then this is it allah give then i decided o go back to my country just for me to rest then after delivery we will comeback with my baby then i deliver a healthy baby boy 6.9lbs allahumdullilah i feel to much happiness when i see my baby then every time we make video call but unfotunately after 18days my baby die suddenly he died May 13,2011 i deliver April 25,2011 i rush him to the hospital but the doctor told me your baby is dead i can accept that......Why????because May 12,2011 we go to his pediatrician for check up then they told me your baby is healthy,he have good weight gain nothing to worry..then i come home afternoon then the baby is sleeping with me he is healthy he is playing with his hand and his eyes and the is head moving alone i make a video then my husband from Saudi Arabia is keep on calling and that afternoon he make a video call he see the baby healthy   thats why he is too much happy then we wake up 10pm i give milk my baby is fully breastfeeding then he sleep and again wake up at 1am again i give milk then we are playing if my baby i awake i did not sleep until he sleep then thats the time i will sleep then i see him he want to sleep i lay down and put him on my chest i kiss too much but i did not know that that is the last time i can kiss him then my husband every now and then his checking the baby by making call every 3 to 4 hours then again my husband call me he asking were is my baby i said he is sleeping in my chest then i put my eyes on my baby i said see i know that im talking to you his opening his eyes and keep on smilling to my husband is laoughing this is my baby then that time is 4 am of May 13,2011 then my nephew touch my baby i open my eyes i see my baby move his head on the other side so i transfered him on another hands and i close my eyes then i see two hand take my baby in my arms when i open my eyes i see my mother so im thinking ahh my mother will take care of my baby then when i close my eyes just for maybe less than 10minutes i heard my mother voice tell that baby wake up wake up when i heard that i stand up and why what happen i see my baby in the hands of my mother dead i said what happen when i see there is a blood on my baby nose i suck his nose and begun to give CPR for the infant i see his dead but stilli rush him in the hospital and the doctor did not what is the diagnosis they told me yesterday you come here your baby is ok and healthy they keep on asking me what happen i said i dont know.

Then i tell them the whole story they are thinking that mybe my mother kill my baby i did not aggree on that then i ask my mother she said the whole story and again she told me another story i dont know i want to believed to what the doctor said that maybe my mother kill my baby but for what reason..

I cannot accept the death of my baby my husband told me Allahmdullilah i said i cannot accept why i need a reason my baby is healthy my husband expalin to me he said sweetie listen to me you cannot ask Allah why  it happen to our baby he create us what ever he want to happen it will happen.really until now i cannot accept i keep on thinking why?how?it happen? But when im alone in my baby room i see that may baby Die Jumaah and exact time in my country he die in Fajr time some imam expalin to me that all the baby when die straight they will go to paradise and i the day of jugdement he will be your lawyer to Allah. Im happy to hear that my baby is in paradise and Allah knows what is best for me but still i keep on crying until now im wroting this letter i keep on crying..please advice me what i will do?

after that i have a dreams with my baby that he said to me in my dreams " Mommy i did not die because i want to suffer you i die because it needed but i will comeback"

Then just two weeks apart when my baby died my husband call me and said that his wife is pregnant 4months...Honestly my initial reaction im angry and i compute the month it means to say still im 8 months pregnant he make sex to her but when i cry in the phone in aloud voice i feel my body is hot and flushing then i remember my dreams that he will comeback for the second time in his wife belly then this time im too much angry with my husband i said why me said why my baby need to sucripise i dont know what i will do now...Then i told my husband that why you are not affected because you know that you have another baby with your another wife..again he lie with me....

Any one can help me maybe thats why my baby is die because maybe my marriage is not halal or i dont know what is the term because until now i dont have any marriage paper for him.Or im thinking that maybe my baby is a big sin to Allah because of my marriage is like that i dont know what is my marriage is halal in the eyes of Allah or its a fake marriage really i dont know please help me to know what i will do....

Now Allahamdulillah after the death of my baby i decided to transfer my house in islamic community here in my country.and my two kids now is a muslim and i tranfer also his shool in Islamic school.and now im starting them to pray together with me.Really im blaming my self maybe my baby was dead because Allah want to try me if i will be good muslim..

I want to ask all brother and sister is my marriage to him is halal?

Is may baby will go to paradise? beacuse im afraid that may baby is not halal and may my marriage is sin and may be my baby will suffer for the sin that i make a marriage that i did not know if is halal or not?

Is my baby muslim?

Im thinking also that maybe i have fault that when i sleep maybe when i close my eyes maybe i did not notice that he have diffuculty breathing that i did not see...thats why i keep on blaming my self and keep on thinking my be i have fault on thats why i said better i did not close my eyes even for a single minutes mybe my baby is still alive...

Do i need to comeback to my husband?coz im thinking that maybe it will be a big pain to face coz his wife again is pregnant or i need to ask for divorce.?

Is that true coz my husband is keep on calling me and comfort me by saying Allahmdullilah our baby die coz that is the will of Allah what ever Allah says it will happen and be happy because he will be our lawyer in the day of judgement is that true?

And lastly i want to know if i need to comeback to him because he keep on calling me and he want me to comeback to him in Saudi?

Until now i dont have marriage paper to him....

How can i cope up with the death of may baby>>>>

i just make story short......


Tagged as: , , , , , , , , ,

9 Responses »

  1. As salamu alaykum sister Cute,

    Let´s go step by step, I am deeply sorry for your baby´s death, be sure he is muslim, a baby is pure and perfect, don´t doubt about that, your baby is in Paradise, Alhamdulillah.

    It wasn´t your fault, you are a nurse and sudden death is something very common in babies, even if you were looking at him, he could suffer a shock and die, you know that when death comes to us, nothing can stop it, I am sure you have seen it many times.

    Related to your "husband", tell him you need your marriage certificate if he denies it, you can talk to your local Iman and ask him if you are legally married, how it happened and if the mutaweens have any power to marry, he will tell you for sure. The marriage to be legal you need a wali, someone that represents you and defends your interests. And you have to receive your legal certificate of marriage.

    My very personal opinion is that if you are not legally married, don´t ever talk to him anymore, if you are legally married, after all this struggles, all the cheating, all the lies, you will see if you are able to stand the situation, but first of all recover your energies, enjoy your two children, enjoy being alive and don´t enter his game, until you are emotionally, physically and spiritually strong to stand by your own interests, think about polygamy and how it affects you and then make Istikhara for Allah¨s(swt) guidance, believe in your instincts, if you feel something is right follow it, if you feel is wrong stay away from it.

    May Allah(swt) ease the pain in your Heart and guide you to be your best. Ameen.

    All my Unconditional Respect, Love and Support,

    María
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

    • Trust your instincts, sister, you are a very intuitive person, don´t tell him everything until you know for sure he is your husband, insist on having your marriage certificate.

      I found this shared by Sister Z with us and I want to share it with you, tells us how our beloved Prophet(saw) reacted to the loss of his beautiful baby Ibrahim, I hope you find some comfort in it inshaAllah:

      These sentences were uttered by the Prophet of Islam while mourning for his dear son Ibrahim, who was breathing his last in the lap of his kind father. The Prophet had fixed his kind lips on the rosy face of his son and bade him goodbye with a very sad face and a heavy heart and at the same time with full submission to the Will of Allah.

      "Dear Ibrahim! We can't do anything for you. Divine Will can't be changed. Your father's eyes shed tears, and his heart is sad and grieved for your death. However, I will not say anything which may invite the wrath of Allah. If there had not been the true and certain promise of Allah that we too shall come after you, I would have wept more and become more grieved at the separation from you".

      Love for one's off-spring is one of the purest and most sublime manifestations of human spirit and is a sign of health and purity of one's soul.

      Seerah-i Halabi, vol. III, page 34 and Bihar, vol. XXII, page 157. http://www.al-islam.org/message/56.htm

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

      • Maria,

        Thank you for reminding me of that. I remember it brought tears to my eyes when I first read it.

        SisterZ
        IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  2. My dear dear Sister, Asalaamualaykum,

    I really feel your pain, losing a child is one of the greatest calamities a mother can suffer. Your baby was healthy and normal and you cannot understand what happened to him or why he was taken from you. I want you to know and believe fully that the death of your baby was not your fault at all. There was nothing you could have done to have made his life span any longer because Allah is the one who gives and takes life. Allah was in control and He(swt) had/has a bigger and more grand Plan behind the birth and death of your dear beloved child. Rest assured that no harm will come to him. Any child born in or outside of wedlock is always born pure, innocent and on the pure fitrah of Islam.

    ***

    Please read this hadith, I am am sure they will give you some peace:

    1) Al-Tirmidhi (942) narrated that Abu Sinaan said: I buried my son Sinaan and Abu Talhah al-Khoolaani was sitting at the graveside. When I wanted to go out he took my hand and said, “Shall I not give you some glad tidings, O Abu Sinaan?” I said, “Yes.” He said, “Al-Dahhaak ibn ‘Abd al-Rahmaan ibn ‘Arzab narrated to me from Abu Moosa al-Ash’ari that the Messenger of Allaah (sws) said: “When a person’s child dies, Allaah says to His angels, ‘You have taken the child of My slave.’ They say, ‘Yes.’ He says, ‘You have taken the apple of his eye.’ They say, ‘Yes.’ He says, ‘What did My slave say?’ They say, ‘He praised you and said “Innaa lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon (Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return).’ Allaah says, ‘Build for My slave a house in Paradise and call it the house of praise.’”

    (Classed as hasan by al-Albaani in al-Silsilah al-Saheehah, 1408)

    2) It was narrated in al-Saheehayn that there is a special reward for the person whose child dies but he bears that with patience and hopes for reward. It was narrated from Abu Sa’eed (ra) that the women said to the Prophet (sws): “Give us a day (to teach us),” So he preached to them and said, “Any woman who loses three of her children, they will be a shield for her against the Fire.” A woman said, “And two?” He said, “And two.”

    (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 99; Muslim, 4786)

    3) According to a report narrated by al-Bukhaari (1292), Anas ibn Maalik (may Allaah be pleased with him) said: The Messenger of Allaah (sws) said: “There is no Muslim who loses three of his children before they reach the age of puberty, but Allaah will admit him to Paradise by virtue of His Mercy towards them.”
    (Note: These ahaadeeth explain that if two or more of a person’s children die and he bears that with patience, then he is promised Paradise and salvation from the Fire.)

    4) Our Prophet (sws) taught us a du’aa’ to say at times of calamity, in which there is virtue and great reward. Muslim narrated in his Saheeh (1525) that Umm Salamah said: I heard the Messenger of Allaah (sws) say, “There is no Muslim who is afflicted with a calamity and says that which Allaah has enjoined, Innaa lillaahi wa inna ilayhi raaji’oon. Allaahumma ajurni fi museebati wakhluf li khayran minha (Verily to Allaah we belong and unto Him is our return. O Allaah, reward me for my calamity and compensate me with something better than it), but Allaah will compensate him with something better than it.” She said, When Abu Salamah died, I said, who among the Muslims is better than Abu Salamah, the first household to migrate to the Messenger of Allaah (sws)? Then I said these words, and Allaah compensated me with the Messenger of Allaah (sws).

    ***

    ~ With regards to the validity of your marriage, it is a Fiqh matter, so it will be best for you to approach an Imam and present your situation to him.

    ~ Regarding your husband, if your marriage is valid, communicate with him. Lay everything out on the table. Tell him exactly how you are feeling. He is your husband and is there to ease your burden. Tell him that you need security, that you are paining so much from the loss of your child and from his lies. If you wish to stay with him as his second wife, tell him that he needs to be open with you now and hide nothing from you anymore so you know what you are dealing with. You need him to comfort and support you through this difficult time and you need him to give you due time.

    ~ Ultimately, my dear Sister, remember Allah is looking out for you and will give you all the comfort and support you need to get through. Just turn to Him(swt) and seek patience in Him(swt). He(swt) will reward you.

    ***

    I recommend you to have one to one counselling and also to please read these articles, they will help you inshaAllah:

    http://islamicsunrays.com/give-me-something-better/
    http://islamicsunrays.com/allah-will-make-a-way-out/
    http://islamicsunrays.com/category/pain-and-suffering/dealing-with-depression/

    SisterZ
    IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  3. As salam aliekum sister cute,

    I am really very sorry for the situation you are in. I had read your story on another post something about mutah marriage and brother munib had given you a very good reply for your question. But those questions and comments on that post might have got deleted by now because its against the rule of this website to question on someone else's post. I think you already know that and that is why you are here again with your own post. If you really want those comments and advices then request the editors of this website to email them to you, InshaAllah they will.

    Sister I have read your story, the previous one also. With everything you have told about your husband in your previous story also, I think your husband loves you a lot. He loved your baby a lot. He has done a lot for you. And, may be he lied to you so that you aren't hurt with the truth. It was Allah's will to bless you with a baby and it was also His will to take him away from you. Allah does only that which is good for you.

    About dreams I think no one can truly interprete them. I had heared from a friend that Dreams are of three kinds: One, those which come from Allah or which Allah sends; two, those that our subconscious thinks and three, those which Shaitan sends. I really wonder how all your dreams came/come true. See, your husband was true, good and humble with you. He simply did not put your dreams off saying that they are just dreams. He did all that you wanted him to do and "tolerated you" because many husbands don't tolerate even their single wives, your husband has two. Despite being frustrated with his first marriage he never was harsh or rude with you but was always with you by your side whenever you needed him. At the time of your delivery though he was not with you yet he was aware of everything that has happening with you. He regularly contacted you and I think he really is a very responsible husband.

    I am too young deen wise and also age wise (may be) to guide you about divorce and marriage. I think you should go back to him. Give your marriage another chance. Because as a husband he has equally treated both his wives. He was never biased. He knows his duties. And MashaAllah even you know that shariah allows a man to have four wives in nikah.

    Let Allah guide you in taking correct and wise decision. Aameen.

    As salam aliekum.

  4. Assalamu alaikum.

    I'm confused. If he truly said talaq to his first wife three times then wouldn't his marriage to her now be invalid? It sounds to me that he never divorced her and that he lied in order to get you to agree to be with him. It also sounds suspicious to me that you never received any paperwork from your marriage. I think that this man is playing games sister. It's best to move on with your life and forget about this person. Allahu Aleem.

  5. Sister Maria

    Jazach Allah khair for the reminder of Prophet Mohammed pbuh on the death of his son Ibraheem to help grant me patients over the departure of mine too.

    For sister Cute

    I came across this site just now about a khutba named 'Mama, i'm waiting for you in heaven'

    http://www.halaltube.com/audio/muhammad-alshareef-mama-ill-meet-you-in-jannah.mp3

    I hope it helps sooth your & my grieving heart.

    • As salamu alaykum, Sister I Submit to Allah,

      My Heart is with yours and Insha´Allah, my duas today are for all the parents that have lost a son/daughter, I am sorry for your loss,

      May Allah(swt) ease the pain of the one suffering. Ameen.

      María
      IslamicAnswers.com Editor

  6. I am so sorry for your loss! I agree with everyone, especially the sisters who tell you to forget this marriage. You must properly grieve for your child. May Allah make this time easy on you. You are in my duas. Please check out my website: http://www.ibrahimstree.com.
    It has many Ahadith about losing your child and I think it will bring you comfort, inshaAllah.

    Take care of yourself.

    Love,
    Sabina

Leave a Response