Islamic marriage advice and family advice

My husband lied to me for 7 years.

My father selected a noble family for my marriage. I started my married life 8 years ago with all sincerity and love. I have three kids I was a professional women before marriage and left my job after marriage to take care of my family. My husband is not very talkative and don't share anything with anyone not even with wife. He was sponsoring family with some business.

Two years ago my family face some financial problems. I started a job and tried to dig out why there are problems how we can resolve them. My husband didn't tell me anything except telling me lies that everything will be alright! but how What went wrong? Consequently I have to join another job for 12 hours a day that destroy my and my kids health. My kids are too young to take care of themselves.

I involved a family member to find out what my husband doing? I got a shock he wasn't doing any business since 6 years and he was just tricking family members by transferring money from one account to another and using their money to meet family expenses.

I cried shouted gone mad at him. How could he do this to me to his family. I lost my mother in my childhood so can't seek parent support.

Now I'm living with that liar and all the mess he created for me and my kids. Now I have to support my kids education and meet all expenses even have to arrange a house for them. I hate this man so much I don't want to live with him. Living with him is like living with a thief. I don't want my kids to loose their father or mother for sake of my angerness. If I opt for divorce he will take custody of kids.

Its a life like hell working for ful day and crying fighting in evening.

I was very punctual in my Salat since the day I lost trust in everything,in my self in my faith in my prayers. Now I dont perform my Salat and if I do I don't know what I should ask from Allah. I aways offer two Nafl before taking any decision seeking for Allah`s  help even before marriage.

Should I hven't trust my husband. Should  I haven't left my job. Me and my family may not suffer so much.

I want to forgive him but I can't. Please what you people suggest?

Aany

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4 Responses »

  1. Assalamualaikum sister

    i am alone bread earner at home my husband is not working since we got married its been 4 years now and not eve one thing i have ever received from him its sabr patients i have been staying with love,patients and care him a lot i know how society things about man sitting at home and wife working ....now solution is not in fighting or arguing with him and loosing hope in Allah as thats biggest mistake we do Allah love us a lot and i can see big test he has for me in my situation i do cry lying on lap of my mother often as i trust only her and Allah were i can open up my heart as my dad has also not been supportive and i know how difficult it is to survive taking care of kids ............. but my mother is real example of not loosing her hope as she has suffered a lot and thats what life is and it is test for good muslims .....ignore for what your husband had done or doing try to focus on how you could better urself and ur kids don't spoil your kids childhood by fighting and crying ...stop expecting from your husband you will find peace then Be responsible for ur own life take care of it and getting ur self into such pain will make you more angry ...............forget and moveon and Pray Alllah for giving you what he feels is better for you ....Alhumdulilah i find peace in myself and in my relation with people even with my husband and inlaws because relation with Allah must be without anything in return as he has been forgiving us for all wrong we do and kept us safe from many other issues there are thousand reasons o thank him and we must not leave hope for holding one issue of life i know its big issue but there is always peace and solution u can find for yourself keep calm and practice Tahjud salah strictly ask the creator only who can give u ...and stop expecting from ur husband and crying to him to take care of u.......

  2. Assalaamualaykum Sister Aany,

    You write:

    Should I hven't trust my husband. Should  I haven't left my job. Me and my family may not suffer so much.

    I want to forgive him but I can't.

    As far as your trusting your husband, it is very commendable that you trusted him. Any good person would, and any good person would assume the best with no evidence to indicate otherwise. So please don't beat yourself up about that or let Shaitan put doubts in your mind about your choices. Likewise, you left your job because it's all you could do at the time. There are no "ifs" in life. What happened is what was in Allah's plan for you. You have only to trust Him and do the best you can with the circumstances you are given.

    Forgiveness is not something you can force upon yourself. It's something that comes with the passage of time, and is something you do more for yourself and your own peace of mind than for the person involved. In some cases, forgiveness is just one step away from impossible, as in cases where someone is repeating the same behavior over and over no matter what intervention you take. However, with Allah, everything is possible, so don't give up sister.

    I am confident you will be able to forgive your husband. Your reaction to the news and your current emotions are natural ones that will fade eventually. Is he now taking any actions to find a job? If you find that you are not able to forgive him on the ideal timetable and that it is causing a lot of distress at home, I would recommend that you seek counseling. If worse comes to worse and you are not in control, a temporary separation from him while sorting through your feelings may also help.

    Allah will help you heal from this. You can recite the dua: Rabbi inni lemaa anzalta ellaya min khairin faqeer (My lord! I am needy of whatever good you send down for me)

    I wish you healing and contentment sister, and never fail to write again if in need.

    Hugs,

    Nor

  3. well if u hate him divorce him hes a hypocrite. and dont keepties with him because of your kids. divorce him and im sure you will find better man then him marry again if not you will suffer for the rest of your life.

  4. Sister, your husband can work and earn a living. He needs your emotional support at this time! Just give him a chance! Problems come and go, don't be impatient! Just sit with him and calmly discuss how to sort out the situation, and work like a team!!

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