Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Parents forcing in to marriage

Forced marriage poster for people in the UK

Assalam o alaikum, i am 22 years old. Two years back, one of my aunts brought me a proposal of her son. To which i told her that I don't accept it. Because I wasn't interested. But my mother and another aunt kept forcing me until I gave in. And thought to give it a chance. One year passed and nothing changed. I still dont like him or feel connected at any level. My family only gives me respect because of that guy and whenever i tell them i dont want to marry him, my mother starts humiliating me.

there's this another guy that I know since last year, we both like each other and want to get married. His family is ready to talk to mine but my mother doesnt want to talk just because she doesnt know them. And also that she thinks i'll be destroying their reputation, they care about their honor. My mom says i'll be the reason to everyone's lives being destroyed and for her to lose all of her relations. And that people will talk bad about us.

But as far as i know islam does allow us to choose our spouse, right?

That other guy is really good, sincere and righteous. Also, he belongs to a really nice and religious family. Idk why she still doesnt want to talk.

I'm suffering from depression and anxiety. No one at in the family understands my condition and are wanting to force me into that marriage. Whereas i've told them a lot of times that i wont be happy with that guy. Thinking of marrying him makes me cry. And its not because of the other guy, it was same as this even before the other guy came along. But my mom doesnt understand, she makes me feel like i am a burden and a shame to our family. They blackmail me. Tell me that they wont ever see me if i married the other guy. They verbally abuse me too. Please help me out. Thank you.


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8 Responses »

  1. Salam,

    No one can force you to marry anyone not of your choosing. This is your life here sister. Do not allow your family to push you into a union you do not want. I have three daughters myself and I am not doing my job as a parent if I push any one of them into a marriage they clearly do not want. I do not have the right to do that.

    Islam gives women rights and one of them is to have your voice heard. If you do not want this marriage, you have a right to say, "no". Who cares who is going to talk and blah, blah, blah...who is going to be there when things go wrong? None of them thats who.

    I watched my husbands niece forced into a marriage that she did not want. It lasted less than a year. She was a stunning woman who now sits home alone at the age of 55 years old. No one would listen...not her mother, father or anyone. Where are they now? Surely not bothered that this woman's life was ruined because they were selfish in their own wants and desires, never listening to what this young woman wanted. Haram.

    Or...another niece who was forced into a marriage she clearly didn't want. I thought I was at a funeral the day she was married. It was horrible. No one cared. No one listened. She got married and it ended within a year. The man was abusive and this woman now sits at home with her parents and is severely disturbed. She is not right in the head no matter how many drugs she takes.

    Speak up. No one has the right to push you into a marriage. No one. No one can force you to try on wedding gowns or anything else for that matter. You are not going against anything in Islam, you are simply doing what Islam allows you to do. Having a choice and a say in who you marry. Nothing wrong with that.


  2. Walikumsalaam sister,

    Dont bother wht others telling u. Never ever listen to them. Do not marry if ur not happy about it. Im telling u this from my own exprince u will ruint ur life if u marry for the saick of ur mum dad or somone alse.. if ur not feeling anything for him now u will never feel it even after marrieg. please sisterDo whatever u can to stop this nonsinse. Do not give in and marry him.. never ever!!

  3. It is not permissible for a guardian to be stubborn about the marriage of a female under his care, or to prevent her from marrying someone she wants to marry if he is compatible with her. The Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “If there comes to you one with whose religious commitment and character you are pleased, then marry (your female relative under your care) to him, for if you do not do that there will be fitnah (tribulation) in the land and much corruption.” Narrated by al- Tirmidhi, 1084; classed as hasan by al-Albaani. See also question no. 32580. It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah (may Allaah be pleased with him) that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said: “No previously-married woman should be married off without being consulted, and no virgin should be married off without asking her permission.” They said: “O Messenger of Allaah, what is her permission?” He said: “If she remains silent.” Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 4843; Muslim, 1419. The majority of scholars are of the view that if a woman is married off without her consent, then the marriage contract is invalid, because it is a forbidden contract which cannot be validated.This is the view of the Shaafa’is and Hanbalis. SISTER pray isthikarah (Allah's Guidiance) if He guides you to marry him then go ahead and if not you can tell your parents abt the hadiths above..if they are truly good muslims their hearts will soften with the menton of the word of muhammad (s.a.w). may Allah easy it on you.

  4. Can anyone plz tell me how to make a post here i dnt knw

  5. same story. I am 19 and i am studying. My father is always putting pressure on me to get good grades but I am not very good at studies. I hardly pass the exams. He has been putting alot of pressure on me since last year that if I dont get good grades this time,he will marry me to my cousin. I dont want to marry anyone right now I really want to study because I have only one youmger brother and my mom is usually ill. But no one hnderstands and I am so worried :'( no one helps

    • Salaam sis, I'm sorry to hear that your going through this.

      What are you studying? & did you pick the course/major or were you forced by your parents to study whatever it is that your studying?

      If it's the latter, perhaps it could be the reason of you getting bad grades & not doing well. If possible look for solutions, maybe switch to a major that your interested in.
      but if not then, I could only advice you to try and work harder, get support from your professors, colleagues..ect. Why not form a study circle with friends that are great in the area that you don't understand? Don't give up sis, it might be hard at the beginning but trust me, it gets a lot easier!

      maybe your father feels like your not being serious with you studies hence why he wants you to get married instead.

      Yes, it's absolutely wrong that your father is threatening you with marriage if you don't do well. You don't want to get married then you should speak up. Don't keep quiet! It's your right to accept/reject a proposal, being pressurised shouldn't give you the excuse to accept something you don't want. Let everyone know now not later especially after you accepted it.

  6. assalamualaikum
    I think your father is putting on pressure just for the good grades. however this is not the good way to motivate he should motivate you with his inspiring words. You please don't worry, force marriage is not allowed in islam. But you should work hard and show your father that you can achieve your goals.

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