Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Am I divorced? If so can we start fresh and remarry?

Cloud shaped like a question mark

Salaam,

I will try to keep this short and precise but before I start I'd just like to say that it would be greatly appreciated if only those who know about Islam and who can provide an Islamic insight (Quran & Hadith) or have been through this situation comment. I dont mean to sound rude but please don't give me personal opinions as I've had many of those and all I need is some proper guidance or atleast something that will guide me in the right direction. If you know of anyone who I could contact regarding this matter please do comment below as I don't know of any Imam or muftI at all who I may contact.

4 years ago I was married to my cousin who lives in South Asia (for the sake of remaining anonymous I'm keeping some details vague). I live in Europe and after my nikkah I returned here and visited my husband once after. Few weeks/months after this visit things deteriorated rapidly between us and we started arguing a lot (both of us were as bad as each other) which led to divorce coming up. He threatened me with divorce first but after a few months I asked him for divorce (I honestly can't remember if it was with the intention of actually being divorced or just for him to take me seriously and change his ways).

Anyways, 2 years ago he actually sent a divorce paper (it realy only hit me what was happening when I received the divorce paper in my hand). As soon as he had sent the divorce papers he kept texting me saying we could still get back together and that he still wants me but I was adamant that I wanted a divorce  (I'm a stubborn person with trust issues - let's just leave it at that) and so I told him to send the other 2 divorce papers which he said he would send but didn't actually ever send. Just to add....  we never actually made up during the iddah period and obviously didn't have sexual intercourse as we were in a long distance relationship.

The divorce paper he sent written and signed by the mufti is in urdu which I cannot read. When I received the divorce paper it was read to me by a relative however I cannot remember exactly what it says but it was something along the lines of....   your husband bla bla bla has sent you a notice of talaaq for these reasons and should you have a problem with this or want to reconcile please contact me if not he will be sending another divorce paper after a certain period.

He says he did not visit that mufti after this and despite the fact that I asked him to send me the other 2 divorce papers last year he did not and still till this date has not sent anything.

Now that I have matured emotionally and intellectually (I hope) and have realy had time to think about things I am considering reconciling with him. We didn't have any major issues, our problems were probably more to do with our families and seeing what our parents went through and having trust issues from childhood more than anything else. There was never any physical confrontation between us especially as  our relationship was a long distance relationship.

So now that I'm mature and I have been studying about islam and refining the character I see where I went wrong and I acknowledge the fact that I played a huge role in the deterioration of our relationship. I want to make amends and I want to be with him again but only if it's halal. So my question is is my divorce irrevocable? Also if it is not irrevocable what do we need to do if we want to get back together?  Would we need to do our nikkah again?

Please do not bring up 'hilaala/halaala' I know all about this and also know how wrong and disgusting it is.

JazakAllah Khair for your time

Mu5lim4h

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4 Responses »

  1. Dear Sister,

    I cannot give you the reference of the Hadith or the Islamic ruling.

    But as far as I know, since he has divorced you only once, both of you can do Nikah and get married again.

    Halala is only necessary in the case of 3 divorces which in your case has not happened.

    Watch on Youtube " MAULANA TARIQ JAMEEL » The Husband and Wife Divorce » New bayan 2015 ".

    May Allah bless you with lots of Happiness.

  2. This is a very important matter and if the wrong advice is given or taken can be detremental to your imaan.

    You can find email addresses of Muftis online please contact them and don't take advice from anyone on here nor online unless they are Muftis or knowledgable on the subject in hand.

    Imagine you follow the advice of a person who is wrong then you will be comminting Zina even when you believe you are married.

    Eitherway I don't know much but I know this much that its important to speak to those who have dedicated their life to Islam.

    May Allah make it easy upon you and bless you with goodnes in this life ... Ameen.

    Askimam.com or AskMufti.co.za are just a fewmof the sites tou could use to ask Muftis.

  3. Assalam alaikum!

    Please ask a Mufti directly with all the papers you have.To find a mufti is not difficult i guess. If it is difficult then mean while i will try to send you contact details / fatwa inshaallah. I will try my best inshaallah.

  4. Salaam,

    Since I wrote this post a family member of mine has been 'back home' to visit relatives and have told me that he had already sent the second two divorce notice/letters two years ago which I didn't actually know about as they weren't sent to me directly in Europe. My divorce will be finalised.

    JazakAllah for the comments. Please do Dua for me, although I'm in no sense depressed nor do I regret what's happened but duas would be greatly appreciated for me and for him in our seperate ways.

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