Islamic marriage advice and family advice

We both are married but we still love each other and been intimate together. Please help

Secret relationships are a bad idea

Not that I'm in the habit of taking advice from church billboards, but in this case they have a point. Secret relationships are always a mistake.


Assalamo Alaikum...

My brothers and sisters in Islam.. I just wanted to share my story about the girl I truly love.  Few years ago, I met a girl through chat and since I really dont like chatting, I asked for her phone number and she gave it to me after I convinced her.  So I called her right after she gave her number and started talking to her just like a normal conversation.  At that point, I didn't tell her that I am a Muslim but I am just waiting for the right timing to tell her that.  And when she knew that I am a Muslim, we just continued talking and there was no reaction from her.  When I tried to end our conversation, she asked me if I want to know something about her.  I said, maybe but not now.  But she kept on asking me, if I really want to know something about her? I said let me think and I'll call you again.  Then, when I am about to say goodbye; she told me that we have the same religion.  so i was shocked... and since then I really got interested with her at that point in time.

So to make the long story short, we had a relationship and I've met her family and I introduced her also to my family.  So I had a chance to work abroad, and left her in our country.  And few months after, she had a chance also to work abroad (we're in different countries).  So the problem started because of me.  Since she's far away from me, I wasn't able to avoid the temptation and then  I met a muslimah and had a relationship with her.  But still our communication continued and I do feel the sincerity and faithfulness of her love to me.  While from my side, I am really confused if who am I going to choose.   Until one day, I decided to marry the girl I just met, thinking that the other one is so far from me and long distance relationship most of the time don't work.  Then she couldn't believe that I got married; she cried I caused her pain which she carried out for years.  And its too late for me to realise that she's the one I truly love.  I didn't have a healthy relationship with my wife because she's not submissive to me.  I mean; I tried to be a good muslim husband and a father to our son.  Sometimes if we have a problem, she will not stop making an argument with me which is a sign of not respecting me as her husband.  But I am still in control of the family.  Just imagine the situation, its like having cats and dogs in one room.

Meanwhile, the girl found a guy who's always there for her, who listens to her; this guy is a Christian but he converted to Islam. I don't know why?  maybe because he really liked the girl and the only way for him to marry her is, if he will convert to Islam.. (and Allah knows best...) they agreed to marry even if the girl didn't love the guy.  Even if she really loves me, she doesn't like to be my second wife.  Likewise, her parents don't like me anymore because I got married already.  One thing we can't avoid is the communication; it stopped for a while but then again continues until now.  Surprisingly, I went on vacation and she's on vacation too... to get married.  Since we really love each other, we had a chance to meet and discuss what happened to our relationship.  She said she was forced to marry the guy because she thinks, it is the right thing to do.  She said, she will give herself a chance to love the guy but its hard for her because her heart belongs to me.  Until she decided to postpone the wedding because she's not sure about her feelings for the guy.  But her parents didn't agree with her.

Since she respects her parents, even if its against her will, there's nothing she could do but to follow them.  The girl told me that she really loves me and wants me to be her husband.  Then I said, you're getting married if that will happen, there's no more chance for us.  But since I dont want to lose her also, I told her that I want an assurance, that we will still be together in the end. Just to mention again, my relationship with my wife for years wasn't a healthy one.  I gave her so many chance but she's not willing to give way.  And sometimes she have the guts to ask for a divorce.  Until one day, I received a divorce agreement from her family, asking me to sign the papers.  I signed but the papers are still with me.  Still giving a chance to my wife.  So going back to her,  the assurance I am asking will involve tough decision.  I said, I have no choice but we will try to have a baby (Astaghfir'ullah 3x). May Allah forgive us for our sins but we tried it.  And we will know the result after 2 weeks.  Yesterday, she got married and I told her, just pretend that you have your monthly period to avoid having intercourse and tell him that ramadan is also coming.  The main purpose is to avoid confusion later on if who's the father (if she will able to conceive).

My question is;

If she's pregnant with me, does she have the right to divorce her husband? then later on I will marry her? or what if they had intercourse, and she got pregnant.. of course there will be confusion, so we will wait until the bearing of the child. What if the child is mine, is she allowed to file a divorce, then later on I will marry her? What if she's not pregnant, and after few months decided to file a divorce because there is no love involved and she just can't refuse with her parents... that's why the wedding pushed through.  Is it allowed for her to divorce the guy?  May Allah forgive us our sins and I am always asking for repentance for what we did; brothers and sisters, please guide us.  wassalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuho...


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32 Responses »

  1. Hi brother,

    whatever you and your girlfriend have done is completely is haram and you both are hurting one innocent revert.Poor that revert.You look like you want to be bothered about only yourself.That is why you have left your first girlfriend at the earliest telling long term relationship does not work.After you got married to new girlfriend you had comparability issues and it has come to divorce stage and now you are trying to contact your old girlfriend.

    If I were in your girlfriends shoe I would rather go ahead with the christian converted to islam and I will stop all contacts with you.Sorry for being harsh.cannot help it.

    Please try to leave her and let her be happy with her husband and stop all contacts with her.and in your side kindly try to be more loving towards your wife and your son.They both need you.

  2. What a mess, the only advice I can give is, you two deserve each other because you're both cheating and doing haraam and there is an innocent woman you're hurting and putting the blame on and then this girl will do the same to her husband.

    You don't even seem to think the way you've treated your wife is wrong. You've not been a loving husband, not caring in any way and then you blame her for a failed marriage?

    It's all on you dude, everything is your fault. I am pretty sure your wife, who is the only woman you should be speaking to, would have treated you like a king had you been kind enough to treat her with love, but all you've done is marry the wrong person and end up making her life miserable. Not only are you trying to do that, you went and did zina and expect things to work out like a fairytale?

    Dude seriously you need to sit down by yourself, open the Quran and Hadith, read what is halal and haram and then work according to that.

    You have caused an awful mess, but you still have time to fix it, but before you can do that, you need to know what you're doing is wrong and what aspects of it.

  3. John 100% spot on they deserve each other. people like that should just leave good people alone but it never happends that way shame.

  4. Eighcheztee, Walaykumsalaam,

    I have never read so much nonsense. What on earth was the assurance and getting the girl pregnant in aid of and that just before her marriage to another man? Do neither of you have an ounce of care for anyone but yourselves and your shallow feelings?

    I'm sorry if my words have offended you, but I'm absolutely lost for words. And for once - I agree with 'John' 100%.

    May Allah help you all, aameen.

    SisterZ Editor

    • May Allah forgive me if I have been harsh. But I am truly lost for words.

      InshaAllah one my fellow Editors will be able to offer something more.

      SisterZ Editor

  5. Salam brothers and sister

    Like john said it is a complete mess over here. I can not believe that some muslims have no fear for what they are doing. I am shocked to read that a muslim can commit these imoral act without filling anything. When you say that you have a lot of argument with your wife and that your wife does not respect you!!!!!!! do you thing that you respect your wife in cheating in her back. You expect respect from her but where is your part of respect towards your wife and son. The muslim society is being wrecked because of people like you. My advise to is go and read what ALLAH says in Surat 24 Ayat 3 about people like you.

    As for the argument and your unhappy marriage, it is not surprising for somebody like you not being happy when you are in path of shaitan, they will never be BARACKA in houses of people who commit haram.

    May ALLAH guide you in the right path.

  6. Salaam,

    I definitely agree with John.

    You need to MOVE ON and stop following your emotions. Your emotions have got you nowhere and will lead your nowhere. The girl is newly married to an innocent convert and she even said she will try to love him, so let her. You did nothing but play with this girl's heart, if you really loved her you would have done whatever you could have to marry her and not go behind her back to marry your wife. You have a son, take care of him. Your wife wants a divorce? Give her it, she deserves someone who will give her the love you failed to give her because you were so obsessed with your ex girlfriend. Grow up, making up plans like this to break up a marriage is very childish and is not what a true Muslim does. You caused pain to 2 people, don't make it three, you already will have to answer to why you did this.

    If she is pregnant then do not abandon the baby. The baby is innocent from all of your sins. You are responsible for taking care of it. If you thought this through then you would know how difficult it is to raise children who have different parents. Sometimes it does not work out how you have planned because Allah plans everything how He wills.

    What you should do:
    *First and foremost you must decide to cut her out of your life and repent sincerely. Not the kind of repenting that you do when you said you keep repenting and then contacting her again. I mean real repentance, break your friendship/relationship and pray sincerely to God to forgive you and never speak to her again.*

    1. Get closer to Allah: Pray, Fast (it is Ramadan so this will be easy inshAllah), read the Quran & Hadiths, do good deeds, watch good religious videos, listen to lectures, detach yourself from worldly pleasures and remind yourself of the hereafter, etc.

    2. Move on: Get away from her. Cut off all contact. It will be hard at first but it will be worth it later on. Let her live her life and enjoy her married life just like how you enjoyed your wife in the beginning of your marriage! Don't talk to her no matter what, don't break her heart again and destroy her life because of your careless actions. Get these thoughts of you "having her heart" out of your mind, they are nothing but lies and nonsense.

    3. Divorce your wife: Committing zina with another woman must be a valid reason for divorce so go ahead and divorce your current wife so she can find someone who will love her and give her the married life she deserves. There is nothing wrong with her (Allah knows best) as much as you say that you have been a good Muslim husband and blaming her for your marriage failing, cheating on your wife with another woman does NOT make you a good Muslim husband, no it doesn't make you a good husband, period, no matter what your race/religion is.

    4. Focus on healing yourself: Most of the time we fall victim to our emotions because we are insecure. Build your self esteem up by doing positive activities such as exercising, gaining wisdom by reading different books, spending time with your family, etc. Spend time with your son if you can and learn to become an adult. By letting go of your ex you are also letting go of your immature self. Heal yourself and become a better person.

    5. Rebuild your life: Once you find that you have truly moved on with your life, you can choose to find a wife THE ISLAMIC WAY meaning no more chatting online, on the phone, in person, etc. without a wali present. Learn from your past mistakes and do not repeat them. Get intimate with your wife AFTER you have gotten married so there is no "will she get married to me? can we get married?" and live your life inshAllah in peace. AND NO MORE GIRLFRIENDS even if she is a muslimah. Muslims can't date in the first place and now you know why.

    I hope you make the right choice, you already know what it is you just need to do it.
    May Allah guide you and us all to the right path, Ameen.

    And the moral of the story is, DON'T ask random girls/guys online for their numbers and start chatting with them. Just a simple friendly conversation can turn into a whole big mess!!! It is haraam for a real good reason!

    *I am sorry if this came out to be harsh, I normally do not speak like this. I am very hungry and I get cranky sometimes especially since time to break the fast is coming. If I said anything to offend anyone I am genuinely sorry.*


  7. Eightcheztee,

    I suggest you leave your wife and marry this woman. I’m saying because you have no right to ruin someone else’s life and neither does she. I feel sorry for this revert who has his hopes high thinking he’ll be able to melt her heart and make her fall in love with him. Give those two poor souls a break. You both have been selfish enough—especially you.

    You can’t jump from one woman to another because you’re unsure! You made a decision to get married through your poor judgment, and then utterly failed in keeping it successful and now you want outs? I suggest that’s exactly what you do, give that poor woman the chance to be loved by someone who deserves her and don’t ruin that revert’s life.

    A few weeks a go a revert wrote on IA expressing his grief and agony because he was betrayed by his wife who married him for a green card. He was filled with anger and range and felt it was Islam (our religion) that caused resulted in his pain. I really do not want this revert brother to feel the same way as well, so you both have a responsibility to clean up after yourselves. If you both truly want to be with each other stop playing hide and go seek—come out clean in front of everyone and save everyone the truckload of pain they’ll feel in the future when you both will be caught red handed.

    Infidelity is the crossing point for me, the doors of forgiveness close for me right there especially when people who cheat feel no remorse. That’s why my reply to you is rather hard and I usually don’t like talking this way but I can’t accept someone who cannot take responsibility for their mistakes.

    -Helping Sister

    • Typo:

      He was filled with anger and rage and felt it was Islam (our religion) that caused his pain. I really do not want this revert brother to feel the same way as well, so you both have a responsibility to clean up after yourselves.

      That’s why my reply to you is rather harsh and I usually don’t like talking this way but I can’t accept it if someone cannot take responsibility for their mistakes.

      I apologize for the typos, I seriously need editing lessons!

      -Helping Sister

    • This is not good advice. How can he marry a married woman?

      Wael Editor

      • Brother Wael,

        I did not intend to be judgemental and did read your response but I feel that these these two people who are married should leave their marriage and get married. Yes, I know that probably sounds like utter nonsense but I just feel like they have betrayed their spouse so much, as to the extent that she might be pregnant with his child, is that truly fair to the revert brother and the wife of this brother who wrote in for help? How can we simplify the situation and say just ask for forgiveness and cut all ties and move on? This brother in order to forget this woman married another woman but now he’s confused—he’s hurt many people in this process because he’s unsure.

        I would have given an entirely different advice and told this brother to seek forgiveness and cut all contact with this woman but my only problem is his lack of care for the two other parties involved (his wife and the revert brother). I think this is being so selfish—and it hurts me that this is the extent the world has come to today.

        I do however apologize to this brother for my harshness and yes I do believe that you ask for sincere repentance from the bottom of your heart and ideally it’s best that you let this woman be, but if you cannot (as I keep sensing that this brother cannot make up his mind) that please be honest with everyone and she should be also because it’s not fair that you guys keep your extra-marital affair and betray your partners whom you have duties towards including being loyal and sincere.

        -Helping Sister

  8. Salaam.

    I agree that your email has made no sense! Ultimately you have made some very bad choices and you were not forced to marry your wife. You have to learn to deal with the consequences of these choices. The right thing may be painful and difficult but its the right thing. Whereas the wrong thing is easy and beautiful looking, but guess where that leads.

    When Allah swt created Jannat, he placed many hardships around it. And likewise when He created Hell he placed many desires around it. So remember that this life is short and you are going to have to answer to Allah swt for everything you do. What are you going to say to Him when He asks you why you committed zina, was unfaithful to your wife and destroyed a marriage? That you loved the girl? Do you think this will make it OK.

    Brother, please I urge you to WAKE UP and get yourself out of this disgusting mess! Ask yourself these questions. Ultimately you chose to leave this girl and marry your current wife. If you really loved her you should have married her. And WHY will getting her pregnant help? Thats the craziest thing I have heard. Getting her pregnant will only affect an innocent baby's life and her own husband. He may be raising a child who is not his own so your actions may be depriving a child of the right to be raised in a secure home and right to know his true father! Also your wife not being good to you does NOT justify your own sin! Astaghfirullah!

    1st essential thing to do:

    - Stop your haraam relationship and your sinning. Do not see this girl anymore or speak to her.
    -Make sincere tawbah for your actions. Be aware that if you repent but continue sinning your repentance will not be accepted. Make the firm intention to stop the sin

    Conditions of repentance:

    1 – Giving up the sin immediately.

    2 – Regretting what has happened in the past.

    3 – Resolving not to go back to it.

    Make a choice and STICK WITH IT.


    1- Stay with your wife and work on your marriage, wholeheartedly. If she wants to as well.

    2- Agree to divorce her if she also wants a divorce and allow her to be free for someone who will love her and be
    faithful to her.

    Rather than getting her pregnant if she doesnt want to be with her husband she should divorce him sooner rather than later and then marry you.

    So either:

    - let her be, and leave her alone in her marriage
    - Honour her and marry her openly (If she divorces)

    The choice is yours but stay away from illicit relationships, don't speak to her. If you need to send an ultimatum do it in one message and do not have further contact with her. Fear Allah!

    Sara Editor

  9. Salam to all

    I totally agree with what you said helping sister. I believe that the most evil thing that a partner can do to his wife/husband is having an affair.

    I trully believe the reason why ALLAH gave a death penalty as punishment is because of the importance of the crime that these people are committing. I always thoought that this such disgusting things are only done by non-muslim but unfortunatly and sadly its becoming very common in our muslim society.

    I dont know if these peolpe who commit such evil act measure the concequences of their action.It is a complet wreck and distruction for both the muslim society and the individual.

    My question to the brother is how are you going to confront your son if one day he comes to you and asks you if you really cheated on him and his mother. What would be your answer to him?

    I just cant understand how can you still mentionned the name of ALLAH when you know that ALLAH has anger towards people who commits major sins.

    My advise to you brother is go and find out about the story of the prophet when the angel came to him at night time and took him to see people of paradise and hell, when the angel showed the prophet the doors of hell and then the prophet saw men and women hanged from their feet and fire of hell was comming beneath their heads, the first thing that the prophet ask the angel,was who are these people, the angel replied to him that these people are people who commited ZINA. I dont know brother if you really know the importance of the sin that you have commited.

    I trully advise you brother for the sake of ALLAH to repent for your acts before it is to late for you. I dont want be so harsh but I can assure you that hell is a devastating place to be in.

    May ALLAH forgive me for my strong language but let me tell you that commiting ZINA will be the last that I will never dare to aproach for the rest of my life.

    May ALLAH protect me and all elmoumine from commiting this evil act.

    The true love is the love for and the personwhosincerly love ALLAH will never disobey his command and ALLAH knows best.

  10. Salams! In this world if temptation it is very difficult to control ones feelings! No one is perfect and before pointing fingers as to how bad he is! Only Allah has the right to judge some ones actions! Moreover, I think it is advisable to read salatul tasbeeh as this is a nafl salah whereby Allah will forgive all sins if you read with sincerity! In doing so, offer another nafl salah and that is ishikhaara may Allah open the answers for you and make your decisions easier! if your wife and you are having issues try and resolve them of you can not get advise on the matters of divorce! As with your girlfriend if she wants to be with you too she has to be honest to her husband because truth and honesty will get you far in life with the intention Of doing it according to Islamic laws! Finally, whatever difficulties you undergo in life see it as a test from Allah and remember seek advice from him through your duaas he will surely guide you, Ameen!

  11. 14 responses, and the only good one was the first, by Aslve. Everyone has has either blasted the brother without advising him, or told him to divorce his wife. These are not solutions!

    Brother eightcheztee, you need to know that what you have done is abominable in the sight of Allah, and wrong by all standards of human decency. You have disobeyed Allah, committed a major sin, betrayed your wife, and possibly destroyed the other girl's marriage as well. And maybe fathered a child out of wedlock. What a mess.

    But there is a way forward for you. Instead of coveting what you don't have, look at what you do possess. Allah has blessed you with a loving wife and a son.

    The first thing you must do is fall down in prostration and beg forgiveness from Allah for what you have done. Make a sincere and full tawbah. Cut off all your contact with the other woman. Keep on begging Allah every day for forgiveness. Open the Quran, turn to your salat, use this holy month of Ramadan to recover your soul and your deen.

    Then open your heart to your wife. Maybe she argues with you because she senses that your heart is not in the marriage. That is a frustrating feeling and will affect any marriage. Take all that love you that have misplaced, and give it to your wife. Tear up those divorce papers. Profess your love to your wife, hug her, thank her for all she does for you. Start to see her as your partner in life, your destiny. Be a good husband to her and a good father to your son.

    What you have done is not a small thing. You will have to keep on asking forgiveness from Allah, and doing good deeds, and hoping it will wipe out the sin. But remember that Allah is Al-Ghafoor Ar-Raheem. The gates of Tawbah are always open, as long as you are still alive. Change your life and do better. Devote yourself to your family and put this awful mistake behind you.

    Wael Editor

    • Wael, thank you for giving that sensible advice. I felt that I was being harsh and judgemental while I was writing my comment and so should have listened to my conscious and stopped, but didn't. So jazakhAllah for pointing that out.

      And also my sincere apologies to the author of this post. You all come here to seek help and the last thing that will help you is being judged. We are all prone to sin and it is due only to Allah's Mercy if we are protected from any particular sin. InshaAllah you will give full attention to Br Wael's words about repentance and take full heed. Allah is the Most Mercifully and forgives all sins if you just turn back to Him.

      May Allah forgive and guide us all and may we all remember our own weaknesses and be humbled by this reminder.

      SisterZ Editor

      • Ameen to your dua sister.
        Brother please listen to brother Waels advice as no sin is greater than the Mercy of Allah swt so do not despair. It is now Ramadan so this is the best time to turn to Allah. Please forgive me also for my harsh response.

        Sara Editor

  12. you should do tauba and pray,,May Allah Help you,,

  13. Salam

    To brother Wael

    I totally admit that my email was very offenssive and I do appologies for that, but on the other hand we should not go smooth when it comes to issues like this. The brother needs to understand the gravity of commiting a major sin. I am not here to judge the brother's action and will never, I am only a servant of ALLAH and will always remain.

    Let me tell you the reason why I have blasted the brother like that:

    1- He need to understand the consequences that ALLAH mentionned in the Coran about peolpe commiting these such immoral act.

    2-Again I am not here to judge him but according to the brother message he really takes this sort of things very easy.

    3- He is asking Allah for forgiveness while plotting on how to stop the other woman to get marry, this very contradictory and make her pregnant.

    Brother forgive me again but because of people like this brother, our muslim society is a complet mess. They play dirty games with innocent girls and have children out of marriage. What would be the position of the child when he gets older and finds out that he is a child of ZINA.

    Brothers and sister forgive me if I am to harsh in my message but I cannot bear people whocommit immoralact like this and expetct at the end a mirracle.

    Allah has given us the Coran as a guide and we also have a wonderful example, the Prophet.

    Brother, sometimes I really cry when I see what is happenig in our muslim society. We really need to be very careful as muslims when it comes tomajor sins, We are representing the muslim society and the religion and should be very careful when it comes to our action. Everyone around us is saying if this is the religion that forbide crime, adultery, steeling and so on, why are your muslim nation are in the same path as non muslim then.

    I am pretty sure that if the Prophet( PBUH) was still alive he would have been devasting to see what is happenig to his Ummah. Allah knows best.

    Again brothers and sister I deeply appologies if anyone felt offended by my message. May ALLAH bless you all and grant you EL FIRDOUS.

    • I am not saying you should not criticize him, or condemn what he did. Obviously what he has done is abominable. But it's not helpful to criticize without also offering a solution. Tell the man how to make things better, advise him what course of action to take. Otherwise we are all wasting our time here.

      Wael Editor

  14. Interesting to note ,

    Just a small message from wael and most of you changed your mind .

    Just imagine , what would be the fate of this man if he did this despicable act in the time of caliphate . The man would have been given a symbolic punishment .

    Most of us(muslims) take Allah's mercy for granted anyway.

    • A Muslim Man,

      Changed our mind from what to what? You have not read this thread properly.

      I personally wrote nothing helpful for the author of this post, it was harsh and judgemental - nothing more, nothing less. But our aim on this website is to help others to turn back to Allah(swt), and for this we need to 'recognise someone's sins/mistakes', and then offer 'some practical advice' - not just rebuke. Thats like just saying: 'You're not worth it, you're a lost case, go jump in the trash bin'. I'd rather say, 'I recognise that you have done some very bad things, but as a Muslim my aim is help you come back to Allah's way'.

      I shudder when I think of this: I just rebuked and forgot about my own weaknesses. I too am human and am prone to sin, we are dependant on Allah and so need to help each other rise up again, as we may or may have already been (Allah forbid) in a low state at some point in or lives too. Forgetting this can lead to arrogance, so I am very grateful to Br Wael for his reminder.

      SisterZ Editor

      • Salam

        To sisterZ

        Sorry sister if I sound harsh to you but when you say that we are human and are prone to sins you are really give justification to the brother about his own action. Meaning that because we are prone to sins we cannot prevent ourself from commiting majors sins. Because we are human and weak we cannot control ourself. Meaning that ALLAH will not punish us because it is out of our hands.

        Sister my question to you is why do we have the Coran and the sunnah of the Prophet for. We need to know as muslims that there are some boundaries that we cannot overpass. I wishe things were as easy as everyone sees them.

        May ALLAH bless you and grant you El firdous

        • Salaam,

          Sister Sarah, I dont think sisterZ was implying what you have understood of her comments.

          Yes we are all sinners and we all make mistakes but no that does not mean we are 'excused' from punishment by Allah. Allah has a choice to punish us or to forgive us..but we know for sure his forgiveness is greater than his anger, subhanallah. And that is exactly what we have been commanded to be forgiving rather than to jump towards punishing someone, especially when someone has repented and is asking for guidance for something.

          This brother has made some serious mistakes, is in a total mess and needs to be guided. Can you possibly impose the hadd punishment upon him through the internet? No. So logically, as well as islamically, what do you think is required of you as his sister in faith? To guide him back to his Lord.

          We are prone to sin. That is the general case, be it major or minor. Every human is different and some find certain minor sins more tempting and some find the major sins more tempting. Point being...we are prone to both, both the major and minor and humans should prevent themself from committing the major or minor, not just the major. Your paragraph somehow portrayed this message that- yes our minor sins will be excuseable but not the major.
          Remember sis that the only unforgiveable sin in the sight of Allah (Swt) is Shirk. That is the only major sin which allah will not forgive. For anything else, it is up to him.

          We have a duty to stay away from sin altogether, and every Muslim is constantly striving to better themself in that. For some, their jihad of betterment still lies in giving up the major sins, like zina or gheebah (backbiting). Whereas for others who are at a completely different level of taqwa, their striving is to give up the real minor ones like....not littering? lol (cant think of a minor sin right now)

          Boundaries have been placed that shouldn't be overpassed, true, however, the issue here is, they HAVE been, so what do we do now? This brother has crossed the boundaries and in our beautiful and forgiving deen, for anyone who has crossed the boundaries and is seeking his way back in, the initial response from Allah is that of mercy not punishment. This is to repeatedly give us chances to turn back to Him.

 mentioned the Sunnah of the prophet...Tell me one thing. How often did the prophet punish someone? Or did he 'ever' in his life take revenge/punish anyone for his own sake? Never. And he is our role model. 🙂 Sallallahu alaihi wasallam. Whenever he did punish, it was for the sake of Allah and his laws. And as I have already mentioned, we cant do that with this brother - there is no khalifa system anyway.

          Was salaamu alaikum.

        • Sarah, Walaykumsalaam,

          You don't sound harsh :O). You have misunderstood my message.

          Tell me - imagine the worst sin you can think of. What if you did that thing and then you wrote on here asking for help but you still sounded completely confused and lost - how would you feel if I wrote to you the way I wrote to the brother here initially? It would not help you at all. It would probably make you feel that you could not seek help from anyone because everyone would judge you. And most likely, you would continue sinning. So my negative words would probably only help you fall deeper.

          Sis - our roles as Muslims needs to be one where we help others rise back up, not by glorifying other's sins - No. But by recognising someone's sins, showing complete dissaproval, making them aware of the severity of the sin and then most importantly 'showing them a way to turn back out of that deep dark hole they have fallen into'.

          InshaAllah you will understand. May Allah protect you and us all from falling into sin and into despair and at the same time may He(swt) protect us from living in a false sense of hope aswell.


  15. Brother Wael,

    Forgive me for being so mean. I just felt like that poor woman that wanted to divorce did not receive much from the marriage because the author was still inlove with his ex girlfriend that I thought the best solution would be for her to go and find someone who will love her and give her the attention that she deserves but could not get from him. Forgive me if I have offended anyone but I felt like this is a much more complicated issue where I felt like I had to focus on those who were innocent in all of this, his wife, son and the ex girlfriend's husband.

    Brother Wael has made a good point and if it possible, the author should consider his advice. If it does not work out then maybe he should consider divorcing her. There may be some hope because he may have signed the papers but didn't make it official yet.

    Forgive me for being so harsh brother Eightcheztee, I wanted to give better advice but I let my emotions get in the way. I am very sorry.

  16. sisters and brothers

    What if his ex-girl is pregnant?
    is her marriage valid in Islam?
    should her husband have to except that child?
    how does they have to solve this situation through Islam?

  17. Assallam aleikum brother,
    to be honest you are in a big mess and there is noone to blame but yourself. If the shariah was followed, you would be stoned to death/harsh, but true/.
    But Allaah forgives allll sins, so dont despair and dont loose hope. The fact that you have written here shows your on the road to taubah( hopefully). Brother this life is short, too short to waste time dwelling on things which wil not benefit you, sooo forget this girl, forget her, and grab onto your Lord and plead with Him. If you dont, then you will face His Wrath on yaumul qiyamah,, on the day that Allaah will be so angry(at those who didnt repent) like He's never been before and He will never be that angry again. Take care. Whatever happens, or whatever you do, as long as yourt bear witness that there is no god but Allaah and MOhhamed is His messenger, and you dnt do anysort of shirk,then you are my brother in deen and the least i can do is remind you of the Mercy of Ar-RAhman and tell you to REPENT!

  18. Dear broda,u hav made a great mistake nd sharing it is d first step to solving it. U hav 2 make sincere Tawba 2 Allah bcos no sin is too big for Him to forgiv.Secondly u really nid 2 STOP seeing ur ex nd concentrate on making ur marriage wok,u can really make it wok wit Allah's help nd wit determination. Dat is where u belong:wit ur wyf nd kid! Allow ur ex 2 also try 2 make ha marriage wok,dat poor revert husbnd of hers doesnt deserve 2 b welcomed to islam dis way-wit betrayal frm fellow muslims! Pls try 2 correct dis mess both of u hav caused due to ur lust 4 eachoda.i believe wit tym, both of u wil 4get wat u used 2 hav nd face reality in ur various homes.may Allah help u fix ur marital problms nd help u 4get ur ex!

  19. AA;

    I think you two, actually you by yourself, care for nothing but what you want! I mean do u think every body leads a perfect life? Things happen and you do not tie up women like this for your enjoyment and fun!!!!!! You want an assurance so you are trying to get her pregnant? what if you get back with your wife, what is her assurance? what will her husband say when the baby come out? what will he say when he sleep wiht her thinking she is a virgin and realize she is not!!!!!

    Brother, may ALLAH guide you, bless you, forgive you, and show you the path. It seems like all these decisions were made out of ignorance and lack of knowledge and responsibility. Or at least I hope thats what happened and not based on denying Islam.

    I just hope the guy who accepted Islam does not revert back or lose faith. I pray to ALLAH to give him guidance and strength to stay on the right path.

    May ALLAH forgive us all for our sins.


  20. just shocked! Not just at what you have done but at how easily you mention astaghfar after each sin you mention.....astaghfurillah fear Allah brother! People seem to think that all is fair is "love in war" but realise this is such an unislamic statement and perhaps the reason ur lives r so messed up today is coz u didnt seek to follow the path of Islam and disobeyed Allah.......human nature is always to run after things they do not posess hence u r thinking ur happiness lies with that girl u think ur in "love".....If u truely repent and put ur tawakkul in Allah then from the bottom of ur heart u make the intention of pleasing ur wife and living a faithful life only THEN u will find happiness in life and be content with whatever you have otherwise ur whole life until the day u die f u keep sinning like this u will not find urself in peace....

    May Allah forgive and help u both..

  21. What kind of a human being are you man fact you are an animal... حيوان

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