Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Is a pregnant Christian lady allowed to marry a Muslim Man?

depressed girl woman

Hello,  I am 20 years old and a Roman Catholic.

My boyfriend is a Indonesian Muslim man.  Single,  23 years old and is studying  in my country...

We've been in a relationship for 3 months when he got me pregnant.

He asked me to get an abortion but I refused.

He then later accepted my decision and told his mother about us.  His parents are divorced. So he only have his mother taking care of him...

He once told me about his mom's 3 requests...

1. Don't do drugs

2.  Don't make a girl pregnant without marrying her first.

3.  If you're going to get married, I don't care about her looks and where she came from but I want you to marry a Muslim woman.

He broke his mom's requests and heart.

When his mom knew about this...  she sent clothes for me to wear during prayer and a beautiful mat to use...

She told my boyfriend I need to convert to Islam...

I am on my 4 months pregnancy now..

My aunt who married a Lebanese Muslim man told me we need to get marry for the child's sake and so before my belly gets noticeable.

But he told me that he can't marry me without us having the same faith.

I got no issues with converting to Islam.  I want to learn the Qur'an and the teachings first by heart and fully accept Allah in my heart before I convert.

My aunt did the same thing..  her husband married her first then a year later is after marriage she converted to Islam and accepted her faith by heart.

But my boyfriend says his family won't allow it.

He talks bad about those men who leave their girlfriend pregnant yet he's doing the same thing...

I got no financial support from him since I got a job...  I have Social Security and government insurance to support me during giving birth...

But his responsibility as a father and a partner is still a question for me!

I told him in the first place - If he knows his family's standard and rules...  he should not have any relationship with non Muslim women...  or he should have protection with me....

He did not force me neither did I during intimate contact.

What happens to his promises? Of marrying me, and someday building a family together....

Is it always men's way to control women and let them believe  they love them...  then after all..  just leave like a dust in the wind?

What shall I do?

I cannot talk with his mom because she cannot speak English.  🙁

Is a pregnant woman allowed to get married in Islam?

Please help me with my confusions :'(

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7 Responses »

  1. Under Islam you are allowed to get married to each other and you don't have to convert. I think his family has rules and they're trying to say that Islam has those rules instead, when Islam does not have those rules.

    As for his promises, I don't know if he will keep them or not. I hope he is able to and becomes a better muslim. I hope things work out for you as well.

  2. As far as I know Muslim man are allowed to marry chaste Christian or Jew woman, but since you had intimate relationships with him your not chaste.. therefor you would have to convert in order for the nikkah to be valid.

    Man unfortunately and this from any religion promise women the moon and the stars, your lucky he is willing to marry you, a lot of man from any religion after they get their girlfriends pregnant they leave them and move on with their lives, you can see many post here about that sad but true

    • Aminah, with all respect, you are confusing the young lady! Don't bring up detailed islamic legal rulings without having proper knowledge of them. You don't seem to me someone who is well equipped to give a sharp islamic legal verdict. So please be cautious before telling her whether he is allowed to marry her or not. And beyond all this, you cannot accuse her for having lost chastity while prohibiting him to marry her because she is in an inpure state for him, while they did this together! This is logically not upholding. Please talk only about what you know for a fact. Salam

  3. Dear Coralia,
    I understand you are in a difficult position. You have both committed a sin (be it from an Islamic or Christian perspective) and you both need to repent sincerely.

    Now, what happened has happened. Do the best out of it. I admire the fact that you are thinking about Islam and embracing it. Keep on learning about it and thinking about it. But you should convert only out of your free will, not for the sake of someone else. So, if you believe now that you are a Muslim already by believing in the six pillars of Islamic faith (not the five obligations etc but the basics of faith! Ask me if u don't know which they are), then convert now. If u are not sure yet, then continue thinking.

    However, I think the decision to marry him is right. And creating a family is right-for you, him and the baby! So continue the necessary steps. I am not an islamic scholar and I can't tell you what you are asking here. Go to a mosque and ask an Imam. Tell him your circumstances because any legal opinion in Islam must be based on individual circumstances! I have never heard that marrying a pregnant woman is not allowed, but I will not make any statement on it's permissibility.

    To sum up. If you are ready to convert then do it and marry as soon as possible. If not ready yet then ask the Imam and proceed when he has told you that there is no obstacle to marriage. And convert as soon as you are convinced.
    Tell your boyfriend that not only his mother has rights, but you and his unborn child too! Islam is all about justice. Everyone has his rights. A good Muslim is obliged to give everyone his due right without denying someone else's rights! So, your boyfriend must be a man now (as he was man enough to make you pregnant) and do what is right and the best for everyone and not stick to a desire of his mother's which is based not solely on Islam but also on her imagination of a perfect world!

    I hope this helps. And never forget to pray. All help and mercy comes from above.

    Best,
    Majid

    • Dear Carolia

      I asked an Imam for you. There is no problem to marry each other, islamically seen. So, whether you convert before or not, you can marry. Continuing the relationship without marrying is a sin.

      So, regardinf the conversion: if you already believe that there is no God but the only one God and that Muhammad pbuh is His messenger and that the Quran is God's book revealed to Muhammad. And if you believe in the Angels, the books (including that the Thora and the Bible in its original form were books from God revealed to His messengers) and believe in the day of judgement and believe that all good and all evil depends on God's will, then you believe in the six pillars of Islamic faith and you can already formally convert.

      May God guide you and give you His help.

      Best

  4. Hello,

    Dear Sister Coralia,

    Your boyfriend broke one of his mother's promises--but before it was a promise to his mother, it was a promise to his Creator, wasn't it? He didn't ask his mother when he was being intimate with you and to bring his mother into this now is complete case of seeking a scapegoat.

    I don't know if you should marry him, but you should be careful because he did want you to abort this child--on the other hand, he has told his mother. So if he made the comment to abort the child as a one time thing that was said in haste, you know best if it can be forgotten--another thing to consider is why hasn't he financially supporting you--and if he isn't and you marry him, will he recognize his responsibilities then? I wouldn't want you to get married only to find out that you are more lonely and on your own after the marriage. What's done is done...but you need to make careful decisions as now another life is involved.

    Speak to an Imam with your bf there. They need to make it very clear to him what his responsibilities are to you at this time--his promises to his mother about marrying a Muslim woman do not rise above his responsibilities to you and his unborn child. He has to know that they cannot force you to revert--even if you say the words, but continue to disbelieve in Islam, that wouldn't make you a Muslim necessarily.

    I pray that you are safe, healthy, happy and that all works out for the best for you, your child and this man. Ameen.

  5. just want to know I've been married to non-Muslim women and she has not converted into Islam yer is my child called haram in Islam without her converting ..

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