Islamic marriage advice and family advice

Do I have a chance of getting married to her?



I am in a really bothersome situation and I cannot focus on anything. Nothing is working. I'm afraid I'm going to loose my deen in the process. Please help me!

This is the situation I've been dealing with:

I am a student from India, going to pursue my MBA in the UAE. I am hard working and by the Grace of Allah, I've been successful at whatever I have done, Alhumdulillah. The girl is a cousin of mine who stays in the UAE and we met when we were very young, but stayed in touch via social media not too long ago. We both follow our deen properly. We developed a liking towards each other and decided to act upon it in the halal way.

We both wanted to get married and we wanted to go ahead with the Islamic way- by telling our parents. However, we both told each others' mothers about us and the both of them did not have a problem with us. But as we know, both the parents need to be included in this. Therefore, she told her father about me and right after she told him he became extremely violent and he abused her and her mother physically; to the point where he went to throw a metal stool at his daughter and her mother fractured her arm when she intervened.

I made mistakes in my past. But just the one where I was in a relationship with another girl. She knew about this and she didn't have a problem with it, because I am a changed person now and I don't live in my past anymore and I'm into my deen. During that same week, the rest of my family members (excluding my mom,dad and my sibling) spread lies about me, they fabricated innumerable things about me. They brainwashed her and her parents completely and she swore to never to speak to me again.

But she did speak to me once and she told me that if Allah Wills, we will be together. I didn't get a chance to get to know what all has been said about me, let alone explain it; neither do I know where I stand in this.

Her dad is in a very good position and is very well off, Masha Allah. I just don't have a job yet, but I'm working on it. What is it so bad that I've done? I just don't have a job yet. We did what our Nabi (peace be upon him) asked us to do in this situation. Why did it get to this?

None of the other cousins and family members have spoken to me ever since then. But, they knew about us earlier as we both told the cousins of ours and they told their parents as well, and none of them had a problem with us. But their outlook towards us completely changed when her father reacted in such a manner and they did all of this.

Here are my questions:

1. Should I have hope of getting married to her?
2. If no, could you please suggest me a way out of this?
3. Could you give me an overview of what you think about this situation?



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5 Responses »

  1. Keeping relation ship with girl is haraam .Leave her and focus on deen ..There is no boy friend and girl friend relationship in islam ...

  2. Brother,

    Just trust Allah, ask him to provide you, forget about people, if you are serious and love at both end than don't you worry, Allah always seeks human's believe or trust on him, no matter whatever he's asking.


  3. Get a job so that you can support a wife and a household. Once you've done that, go back to her father and try again. In the meantime, you should not be in a relationship with her.

    Your problem with your cousins and their gossip is separate, and you need to decide how you want to deal with that. I personally think you should confront them and make it clear that this behavior will have consequences on your relationship with them.

  4. Assalaamu Alaykum,

    There is always hope, as long as there is life. We never can know the future, and we can be assured that if we live our lives in a way that pleases Allah He will reward us with that which pleases us whether we see it in this life or the next. We don't ever know the shape that may take, so it is a situation where you may find out some day that Allah wrote her for you, or perhaps He wrote someone else for you. Only time and perseverence will tell.

    I think it's good advice to focus on becoming financially stable and keeping an upstanding reputation in your community and amongst family members. However, do this with the intention of pleasing Allah and being ready for whatever He has in store for you, not for the intention of specifically winning this girl. There are some strong aspects that may make it something that is not for you, which I will explain.

    When she told her father and he became violent against both she and her mother, that's serious. Surely you wouldn't want to keep pushing for an issue that could bring more harm to both her and her mom. It's better to keep a distance and focus on being a good and responsible young man, and relying on Allah for the best. It's too risky to keep coming around when it could cause further beatings.

    That being said, and knowing your family and her family is kin, I think it's important that somebody step in and try to stablize what appears to be an abusive situation. I am inclined to think that her father has gotten violent other times habitually- it's almost impossible to see cases where someone would go at another so severely with no history of it. She and her mom deserve to be safe from that kind of abuse, and the caring members of your family need to step in and help create that in shaa Allah. If you know some good relatives that are able to help with that, it should be mentioned to them. If, however, the entire family would look at this young lady and her mother as blameworthy, and not censure the father in his actions, this is indeed a very sad situation and mom and daughter would need to escape it on their own if it's possible. Only they can take that step, though- no one can force them to do it and even trying might create more problems.

    -Amy Editor

  5. Do your best to get a job. Then work hard and keep praying. Yes you do have a chance with this girl but do it all on Islamic terms, no haram. Don't give a reason of why you cant be with this girl. Try your best, show her father you can be a good worker and good husband. But if you do all that and he still doesn't allow it, then accept it as destiny and forget about it all. Find someone else, even though its hard...just pray for the best . In Sha Allah if its not her, you will find someone better than her.

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