Islamic marriage advice and family advice


forced marriage

I am 19 yrs. old from Philippines and he's 21 yrs. old a Pakistani Muslim. We're now on our 7 months into relationship. It's not really my habit to accept strangers messages but i do not know why i accept it. But i started liking him anyway.

He's a badminton player and at the same time he manages that badminton club. He graduated from Masters on Commerce just this last July. And I'm in my last year in College. He's working were he took his college degree and Masters. His really a responsible guy he told me that he want to get married after 7 or 8 years cause he wanted to build house first for his Mom. His also respectful, funny and loving guy. He also said that if we got married he just want to have 2 kids he said it's hard to grow children.

We really love each other so much. We're like best friends too cause we're telling each other what happened everyday. I know online relationships or online dating is haram and i want it to become halal. He is open to introduce me in personal.

But this autumn he tell me that his mom already found a girl for him and their engagement will be soon. Now i was really hurt. Her family and friends knew me a little. He tried to explain and refuse but his mom said that some other people will not accept a foreign girl. That was really painful for my part. Very hard to accept. I told him before that I'm okay if I will convert into a Muslim. It's okay also if I will live there and find job there as a professor cause it's my profession i was completing here in the Philippines.

But we just have few more days left before his engagement. I knew this will happened  to me (to us) before i accept to become his girl.  He was fighting for me. He asked me if he will go in the Philippines will i accept him. Of course I say yes but i don't like how he will do that just to be with me cause he said he will left his job...stole money or suicide. I don't know what to do. I keep telling him that just accept and obey his family they knew what's best and things will be different if he saw his future wife. In short, i'm the one who give up easily but he's still fighting. What should we do now to stop it. what should I do? I love him and i will surely can't take it if he's married to other girl. Those plans and dreams we build for each other...I was really hurt. Pls. help me.



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8 Responses »

  1. I'm sorry to say this, but his family is not your problem. If he has issues with them forcing him into marrying someone, that's his problem to fix. I'd strongly advice you to cut contact to him and let him deal with his own things. He's clearly a very weak man so he's not going to cut contact with you - so you need to be the strong and say adios to him. Tell him you're not into bullshitting around and that if he wants you in his life, he needs to man up and make it clear to his family that it's you he wants, not the other girl.

    He's not the only man on this planet, you don't need to accept this kind of weak behaviour, lol. Do yourself a favour and run a mile away from this man.

  2. Sister it seems like he loves you very much. Don't leave your dreams and love for another woman she probably doesn't love him which means she won't make him Happy . you got to fight for your love sister .where that means you going there meeting his family or him coming and doing the Nikha . Let him marry you and make you happy. You will always regret this if you don't make a move now . No need stealing money. Collect money then and Come before his married to the other girl. You got to make him confident in this and help him, let him . Sister if you guys love each other and you know his right for you. Trust your gut and let him come and marry you

  3. Being a Pakistani, I am informing you that he is cheating on you. Leave him ASAP.
    He is making you fool. Here, some mentally sick people love to get the attention of foreigners and feel proud that they are like a Prince in their community.
    Believe me, mothers can't do anything if boys are willing to marry someone.

    Leave him with a lot of abuses so he could not play with the feelings of other girls.

  4. If I am correct, you are in an online relationship. If that is the case, I don't think you should believe anything that you have been told. And please do not consider leaving your home to go to Pakistan because you are in love. With all due respect to my Pakistani brothers and sisters, you will be a non-person without any rights, totally dependent on your husband for everything. Practically a captive. Your friend needs to remedy his situation on his own.

  5. Ask him to fix his problem if he wants you in his life .... he is a man .... he can easily resist ..... he is just creating an issue ..... ask him to go and tell his parents that he will not marry anyone else other than you .... no one can force him after this
    But as you are in an online relationship .... don’t trust everything ...... there is no need for him or you to steal money or do suicide ..... you also meed to be strong in case he is playing with you ......
    Stay strong no matter what happens

  6. We are in the same boat girl. I have a Pakistani boyfriend too and your situation makes me cry a river.I am a Filipina too and as far as I have observed here in the UAE. Most Pakistani men are really into marrying their women, not because Pakistani men are cheaters but because of them have a strong religious and cultural upbringing. Most of them will what will make their parents happy. I never ask my boyfriend to choose because his choice is his parent's choice Pakistani men can sacrifice their own choice and happiness. We both know we love each other, but his mind as Pakistani will never change. I am 32 and he is 25. and all I'm waiting now is when he decides to marry and that day is our break up. It's not about fighting for our relationship but it's about the reality in his case as Pakistani. Filipina in particular are flexible to adapt but never them. My boyfriend and I are willing to have a family and I'm aware I will end up a single mom. Converting to a new religion is also not an assurance for a forever relationship. I'm sorry for this comment but I. hope it helps.

  7. These men go to foreign countries to have a good time with girls temporary. Don't believe they love you, they are just using you. When the topic of marriage comes then they'll drop you and make excuses about their parents.

    • 100% agreed. Esp. men from Pakistan. Be extremely careful and vigilant with them. They are known for their lies and will probably end up marrying the girl their parents choose for them.

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